Weather

October 26, 2005

Oppression

By system

Two words: mint spermicide.

October 25, 2005

Phat Al

By system

I don't know if you saw or not, but a hero of the 'human's was tragically hurled onto his bum yesterday by Hurricane Wilma. Al Roker, who most of us know as Phat Al, put his life in danger and went to the eye of the stor...

October 24, 2005

Sue Happy

By system

So apparently the House of Representatives passed a

October 21, 2005

Altering History

By system

Halloween is fast approaching and the 'human still has no idea what it's going to be for Halloween. Conventional wisdom suggests the 'human will have the most unique, witty and hilarious costume out there, but history su...

October 19, 2005

Fortune Cookie Crooky

By system

It's good to be the weatherhuman. Not only do you get to say whatever the hell you want to 20,000 people (well, let's be honest: 2,000,000 people), you get to be in control of the weather.

October 18, 2005

So rude, hmph.

By system

Rain, rain, go away, come again some other day when I don't have beach plans you inconsiderate asshole of a meteorological system.

October 17, 2005

Eating Out of the Dumpster

By system

You know what's fun? Eating-out jokes. For example, this weekend I ate-out at Anna's "Bakery," Sam's (To-Go), Woody's, Jack(s) (in the) Box, Javan's, Gio's and Gina's.

October 13, 2005

Gender Bender

By system

Some people say the media tells people what to think. Others say the media tells people what to think about.

October 12, 2005

On the Naughty List

By system

It's days like yesterday that make the 'human feel guilty for not telling you to prepare for depressing gray skies. Then again, you should have seen it coming yourself, so I don't feel too bad.

October 11, 2005

Flying Soul Low

By system

Does being a Yankee fan qualify one as soulless? It certainly qualifies one as being a loser today. I mean it in the harshest sense too. If you're a Yankee fan, something terrible is going to happen to you today.

October 10, 2005

You Got Beef?

By system

Here's my beef with beef: After I finish my Freebird's steak burrito, I have to wedge chunks of brown out of my teeth with a straw. If I don't get it out, I inevitably end up performing oral exercises on the significant ...

October 7, 2005

Online Exclusive

By system

You are reading the 'human's first ever blog entry. It amazes me that people read the online edition of this second-rate newspaper, yet I know they do because generally, people are pathetic.

October 6, 2005

Under the Weather

By system

Awkward doesn't even begin to explain the 'human's experience at the Rec Cen today. Confounded by the option of both a men's and women's shower, I took a look at my sexless figure, closed my eyes and gave it the old eeny...

October 5, 2005

The New Thursday

By system

If Wednesday is the new Thursday, why don't we just rename Wednesday "Thursday Jr."?

October 4, 2005

Delaying Retirement

By system

If there were a Hall of Fame for Political Corruption, Tom Delay would be the House Majority Leader. The senator is putting up first ballot Hall of Fame numbers this year, wowing liberals and conservatives alike.

October 3, 2005

Weathering Heights

By system

October is always the most demanding time of the year for the 'human. Not only are there countless birthdays to be recognized (happy B-Day little 'human bro), there is the Major League Baseball playoffs, football and the...