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What’s That Running Down Your Leg?

October 17, 2001 by Staff

Whenever I interview someone important like a presidential candidate or a celebrity, I don’t imagine them naked. I imagine them with diarrhea. Everyone gets the Runs, even cool people. When you ...
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I’m Paying You to Goof Off So I Can Goof Off

October 17, 2001 by David Downs

The six guys in orange vests trying to unclog a Del Playa storm drain today are perfect fractals of all bureaucracy. Five of them supervise. One of them works.
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U.S. Won Cold War to Free World, Not to Fear Terrorists

October 17, 2001 by Jeff Farrah

While imperfect, the United States' Cold War policies carried out, overall, a poetic execution of the Evil Empire by some of the most brilliant minds in the Land of the Free.
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Don’t Criticize Recent Anti-Terrorist Policies; They’re for Our Own Good

October 17, 2001 by Staff

One view that seems to be fairly popular among ignorant, uninformed pacifists is that there is no need for things like military action or such inconvenient heightened security measures (foreign studen...
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Congratulations On Making The New Bren Center A Completely Green Building

October 17, 2001 by Staff

Congratulations to UCSB and the Bren Center from a proud UCSB parent ("California's 'Greenest' Building To Open on Campus in January," Sept. 28, 2001).
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Beware the Foreign Menace?

October 15, 2001 by Staff

Asking students if they are terrorists will not help either. No one fills out a student visa application with, "I would like to study engineering at the California Polytechnic Institute and blow up th...
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Blowin’ in the Wind

October 15, 2001 by Staff

In an arena full of fans, not one could sing along with Dylan's own distinctive dialect of the English language.
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Save I.V. From Idiots

October 15, 2001 by Staff

People who live here are sick of hearing I.V. criticized - but there is something wrong with this town.
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Iron Guinea Pig

October 15, 2001 by Staff

I am teaching the weatherpet self-defense.
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America’s in Afghanistan Over Blood, Not Crude Oil

October 15, 2001 by Eric Petersen

Mr. Weston. Stop your socialist rhetoric, amusing as it may be. Go read a history book and learn a little more about the outside world.
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Red Tape: What Are You Doing, Josh? I’m Scared, Josh. Let’s Talk.

October 15, 2001 by Josh Braun

My last computer fried when a glass of water spilled over it. I'm tempted to do the same to my new one -- and this time it will be on purpose.
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Measure H Is Bad for Goleta

October 15, 2001 by Daniel Huber

On Nov. 6, one third of Goleta Valley's residents will vote on Measure H. If you live in West Goleta, you might be among them. For the fourth time in 14 years, a group has put a cityhood measure on th...
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Keeping Smokers Away Will Keep People Safe From Toxic Fumes

October 15, 2001 by Dawn Dunn

This law will not change the 25% of smoking tables allowed on a patio, but we are hopeful that it will allow the 83% of non-smoking public to enjoy cleaner air.
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Christina Sandoval is a Dedicated Public Servant, Sarria is Out of Line

October 15, 2001 by Staff

I question your decision to allow this person to use the campus newspaper to make threatening statements and personal attacks on a distinguished member of our community.
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It’s the Noisy Apes That Get Noticed

October 12, 2001 by Steven Ruszczycky

Some of the things I've seen make me realize that it's no wonder people look at the student population of I.V. and denounce it as New Sodom.
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