Opinion
My fifth-grade class was a lot more competent than A.S. Legislative Council. We got the garbage out of the way early and quickly, so we could move onto the class' important business: eating paste and ...
read more
There’s a very important piece of legislation going through Congress right now named the USA Act. It would be in your best interest to take the time to learn about it.
read more
Whenever I interview someone important like a presidential candidate or a celebrity, I don’t imagine them naked. I imagine them with diarrhea. Everyone gets the Runs, even cool people. When you ...
read more
The six guys in orange vests trying to unclog a Del Playa storm drain today are perfect fractals of all bureaucracy. Five of them supervise. One of them works.
read more
While imperfect, the United States' Cold War policies carried out, overall, a poetic execution of the Evil Empire by some of the most brilliant minds in the Land of the Free.
read more
One view that seems to be fairly popular among ignorant, uninformed pacifists is that there is no need for things like military action or such inconvenient heightened security measures (foreign studen...
read more
Congratulations to UCSB and the Bren Center from a proud UCSB parent ("California's 'Greenest' Building To Open on Campus in January," Sept. 28, 2001).
read more
In an arena full of fans, not one could sing along with Dylan's own distinctive dialect of the English language.
read more
Asking students if they are terrorists will not help either. No one fills out a student visa application with, "I would like to study engineering at the California Polytechnic Institute and blow up th...
read more
People who live here are sick of hearing I.V. criticized - but there is something wrong with this town.
read more
My last computer fried when a glass of water spilled over it. I'm tempted to do the same to my new one -- and this time it will be on purpose.
read more
Mr. Weston. Stop your socialist rhetoric, amusing as it may be. Go read a history book and learn a little more about the outside world.
read more
On Nov. 6, one third of Goleta Valley's residents will vote on Measure H. If you live in West Goleta, you might be among them. For the fourth time in 14 years, a group has put a cityhood measure on th...
read more
This law will not change the 25% of smoking tables allowed on a patio, but we are hopeful that it will allow the 83% of non-smoking public to enjoy cleaner air.
read more
Hire an AI bot to become their personal assistant
Stash all their books in a locked safe
Never write their own email again
Buy out all the toilet paper from target
Delete all their negative text messages about AI
Side with their Snapchat AI bot
Start posting ads for an AI significant other
Move to the middle of nowhere
Smash all computers in close proximity
Try to befriend AI bots
Complete purge from technology
Start calling all of their loved ones
