Whenever I interview someone important like a presidential candidate or a celebrity, I don’t imagine them naked. I imagine them with diarrhea.

Everyone gets the Runs, even cool people.

When you imagine them with a backdraft in the poop shooter, gripping the toilet and wailing, “Please God! End it now!” it’s hard not to feel empowered.

Wednesday’s forecast: Cool authoritative fronts dissipated by steamy midday Hershey squirts.