Opinion

January 16, 2002

Think New Books Are a Rip-off? Then Photocopy Your Material

By Jon Getty

Writers like Ted Andersen (Daily Nexus, "Selling Off Your Arm, Leg and Spleen for a Quality Education," Jan. 15) need to fundamentally reconsider how they buy books.

January 15, 2002

Billions Can’t Buy Beaches

By Staff

It's probably wrong to gloat when other people fail, but when a billionaire fails to keep the public off of the beach in front of her 25-acre estate, it's hard not to gloat.

January 15, 2002

Living Without Vowels: See the Rats Scurry From Enron’s Sinking Ship

By Steven Ruszczycky

Perhaps most interesting is the uncanny ability of rats to jump ship when the vessel faces imminent doom. However, when the good ship Enron started taking on water, the government decided to ignore the vermin's desperate...

January 15, 2002

Selling Off Your Arm, Leg and Spleen for a Quality Education

By Ted Andersen

I walked into the Isla Vista Bookstore on Monday afternoon with a bantamweight bank account and high hopes. I left a half an hour later a confused and broken man.

January 15, 2002

Comics: thINK

By Staff

January 14, 2002

The Cart of Darkness

By Staff

There are many professions which deal with the dark aspects of humanity: doctors, divorce lawyers and journalists are just a few.

January 14, 2002

They’re a Deal at $130.

By Staff

Sneakers reached the limits of tasteful, sensible design in the late eighties. Since then sneakers have splintered into the cross trainer, the tennis shoe, the basketball shoe ...

January 14, 2002

If You’ll Recall, I Had Nothing to Do With It

By Jim Thomas

There have been a few letters suggesting I have played a pivotal role in the Goleta Project Area Committee flag incident and the recall efforts of 3rd District Supervisor Gail Marshall.

January 14, 2002

Red Tape: Above Streetlights, Bathed in Starlight

By Josh Braun

At the coastline, sailboats and oil platforms take up the shining torch, stretching out toward the horizon where they meet the sky, and turn the entire world into one giant field of stars.

January 11, 2002

Bwaaaa!

By Staff

The WeatherNeighbor got too drunk at the WeatherPad last night and awoke this morning with a wicked hangover. She ran to the bathroom to vomit, but one of the WeatherHousemates was already in there taking a shower. She b...

January 11, 2002

No One’s Genitals Are the Property of Someone Else

By Theo Baker

Your boyfriend's penis is not "your penis." It is HIS penis and it was his penis long before you two began sleeping together. And he will most likely share his penis with others after you two break up or move on or whate...

January 11, 2002

Leo Lydon Was More Than Another Name in the Paper

By Abby Collins

Leo was not your average college freshman. He seemed normal. As the year progressed, however, we would find out that normal reached a whole new level with Leo.

January 10, 2002

Plover Porno

By Staff

Plovers are chubby chasers. That is why most of Sands Beach is closed off. Too much exercise kills the erotic tension on the beach, destroying the plover’s natural chunky love. Flying, running or even shifting thei...

January 10, 2002

There’s No Pill for Proper Parenting

By Henry Sarria

Accutane, adolescents and single-engine aircraft are the latest recipe for disaster, at least according to officials in my former home state of Florida.

January 10, 2002

The Web Forum: Leo Lydon

By Staff

"Leo was one of my best friends. I knew him since he was seven. We went through so much together. I can't even start to tell any of you how much this really sucks."

January 10, 2002

Parking Lots and People Aren’t Good Sex Aids for Plovers

By Brendan Buhler

The county planners, bright and well-meaning chaps all, are kicking around a plan to enhance the natural beauty of Sands Beach with a big, fat parking lot. Just like at Goleta Beach.