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You’re Not in Santa Barbara Anymore

March 3, 2005 by Adam Tartakovsky

First came the cascade of phone calls. One by one, our group of foreign students - along with the rest of the people in the bar - answered their cell phones: One by one, the bar emptied. These weren't...
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Republicans Bask in Their Television-Constructed Reality

March 3, 2005 by Garrick Sitongia

Unlike liberals who permit themselves to have different ideas, conservatives all sound the same. That is because they are brainwashed. A recent study examined the conservative mind and found that the ...
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Reap The Bacon Benefits From The Pig Slaughter

March 3, 2005 by Shawn Moura

I'm a well-intentioned Leftist intellectual with concerns about the environment. That said, the population of "wild" pigs in the Channel Islands should make good ham.
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Don’t Strip Down Just Yet

March 2, 2005 by Dave Franzese

When it's time to hit our hips together, some of us young and restless ones get really hot when you don't go all the way... nude, that is. I'm not talking about leaving your top on while you fuck in t...
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Lions and Tigers and Ligers, Oh My

March 2, 2005 by Staff

A "liger" - the combination of a lion and tiger - is a real thing and is, according to the director of conservation at the Minnesota Zoo, "the production of freaks by people who have freaky minds."
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Disagreeing Views Belong in Universities

March 2, 2005 by Colin Whiting

When did America become a nanny state, where everyone has to feel loved by all they come in contact with? Where anyone who disagrees with us is considered 'treasonous'? I don't know.
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Talk More, Type Less

March 1, 2005 by Chris Trenchard

"Hey you!" I say to the man in front of me in line. "Hey buddy!" I offer, as politely as humanly possible, to the robot I trail patiently on the bike path. "Hey slut!" I finally proclaim to the guy si...
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Whiter Shade of Lame

March 1, 2005 by Staff

Today I saw a commercial advertising a revolutionary(!) teeth-whitening product that can make your teeth
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Tenured Professors Pollute Us With Liberalism

March 1, 2005 by Patrick Callahan

Tenure. Some define it as the securing of a permanent teaching position; whereas, I define it as the biggest load of feces in our education system - second only to the termination of mandatory naptime...
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Left-Lane Driver: Seize the Wal-Mart Empire

February 28, 2005 by Neil Visalvanich

In lieu of the Oscars, I decided it was time for me to move on from being a simple movie enthusiast to an actual moviemaker. That being the case, I did what all aspiring film writers do -- rehash old ...
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Weather for Dummies

February 28, 2005 by Staff

I discovered recently that the "... for Dummies" books are now available in VHS and DVD. Apparently, "Dummies" books are too smart for some people; they need the movie version instead.
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King of Pop Should Quit Clowning Around

February 28, 2005 by Henry Sarria

I hate drama and have no patience or desire for it. Just get to the point and move on. And so begins this circus of the Michael Jackson child molestation trial in Santa Maria. I pity the poor resident...
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Legendary Band Doesn’t Deserve Ignorant Smack-Talking

February 28, 2005 by Mike Skyba

In response to Dave Franzese's column "The Songs of Seduction" (Daily Nexus, Feb. 23), first off, sure, music can make or break the mood at times. But then again, a lot of times, especially if you're ...
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Don’t Promote Negative Body Image With Potentially Harmful Fat Talk

February 28, 2005 by Jenna Kruger

OK everyone, let's take a little journey down memory lane and venture back to our childhood years. Yeah, that's right; you remember. The days of watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, playing hot ...
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Stick to Printing Columns by Students From UCSB

February 28, 2005 by Tim Radsick

I read the article titled "The Death of Interaction" by Conor Boyland (Daily Nexus, Feb. 25). Great article! In fact -- and I write this in my best imitation of David Spade's "Spade in America" skit o...
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