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Required Reading

April 21, 2005 by

Today's the last day to vote for me for A.S. president. I'm not a betting 'human (I forecast instead), but I wager that the winner will be: the signs.
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A Backlash Against Blindness

April 21, 2005 by

Editor's Note: Due to the large number of responses to Alec Mouhibian's column ("Private Dancer: The Deception Behind Gender Studies," Daily Nexus, April 19), we have published excerpts from severa...
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In the Trenches: Laziness-Infected College Vocab Gives Me the Chills

April 21, 2005 by

We are brilliant. At the ripe age of 18 - and in many cases even younger - we discovered a word so flexible, so generic and so damn sexy that we would never need to use another word again.
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Getting’ Wacky on Tabbacky

April 20, 2005 by

As of this Monday, the neighbors who reside behind me have been set on striking flint, eager to set off the powder keg that is our shared parking lot. They now park with megalomaniacal abandon, errati...
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Please Don’t

April 20, 2005 by

It's 4/20, and the government just replaced the single grain-heavy food pyramid we grew up with 12 different ones to reflect your sex, lifestyle, age, tax filing status, etc.
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Drugstore Cowboy: Forget Real Crimes, Let’s Get Stoners

April 20, 2005 by

As of Tuesday, April 19, 2005, the federal government has spent well over $6 billion on the great "War on Drugs" for this year. I suppose it's needless to remind you that this year has barely kicked o...
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Enter Princess Charming

April 19, 2005 by

A woman's charm goes further than tactics of batting eyelashes, uncontrollable giggles and a hiked-up miniskirt. Case in point: When a man would apply one of his pickup lines and I would respond with ...
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Vote for the Donner Party

April 19, 2005 by

It's the second day of A.S. elections, so you should have already voted for me for president, but in case you haven't, I have another campaign promise: As A.S. president, all of the crimes I commit (o...
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Private Dancer: The Deception Behind Gender Studies

April 19, 2005 by

I'm not much for playground gender discourse. Men aren't from Mars - and as far as I'm concerned, if women were really from Venus, they'd have three boobs. Yet there are certain phallophobic feminists...
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Understanding Depression Is Essential to Its Treatment

April 19, 2005 by

One could argue that this year has started off on the wrong foot. The persistent rains, devastating tsunami and the pressure of another quarter can all contribute to a less-than-perky attitude. For so...
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Dumbass DP Ledge Jumper Provides Cliffhanging Entertainment

April 19, 2005 by

As a house of 12 guys on oceanside DP, we're frequently front and center as the helpless victims/neutral spectators/chronic instigators of the relentless debauchery that is DP. We knew what we were ge...
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It’s ok, It Can Fix Itself

April 18, 2005 by

I spent most of Earth Day trashed out of my mind. The festivities at Anisq' Oyo' Park pushed the holiday to an alcoholic extreme, making even the most prudish of students into slothful sex machines. W...
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Ooooh… Student Government…

April 18, 2005 by

Quick! Drop whatever you're doing now (sitting in lecture, breast-feeding, both, etc.), run to a computer, log on to GOLD and vote for the Weatherhuman for A.S. president.
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He Said: Do More Than Just Cruise While Rolling on Your Cruiser

April 18, 2005 by

Before you go about giving that biker on a cell phone the dirtiest look you can muster, perhaps you should commend them for killing two birds with one cell phone-shaped stone.
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She Said: Biking and Chatting Warrants a Swift Kick to the Face

April 18, 2005 by

When you learn to drive they advise you against certain distractions while operating the vehicle: listening to headphones, giving road head and talking on the phone - to avoid an untimely death.
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