Opinion

September 27, 2005

He Said, She Said: Take Matters Into Your Own Hands and Get Yourself One

By Jeff Gibson

So you're under 21 and all you want to do is get drunk - wait, strike that - all you want to do is get drunk as cheaply as possible. There is no question that Isla Vista is one of the easiest places to find booze in such...

September 27, 2005

He Said, She Said: A Fake ID Is Obsolete in Booze-Infested Isla Vista

By Mollie Vandor

There is no shortage of fake, falsified, or forged phenomena in Isla Vista. We are great at faking everything from perfect tans to semi-believable excuses for skipping section to complete sobriety when the I.V. Foot Patr...

September 27, 2005

The First Open Letter to Freshmen on Bikepaths

By Elia Boggia

Newbies: Welcome to UCSB. Whether you're a barely legal freshman, a transfer from Madison, Wis. or an international exchange student, we Gauchos welcome you. I.V. and Goleta may not look as pretty as SB, but don't despai...

September 26, 2005

Summer, with a Juice Chaser

By Sean Swaby

I

September 26, 2005

Why Does It Happen?

By system

The weatherhuman, despite some suspicions, is ultimately human. It is capable of triumphant glee, yet sorrow is also one of its fundamental faculties. The weatherhuman and its co-workers are terribly saddened by the trag...

September 26, 2005

Construction Dodger Awaiting Completion

By David Fuad

Anyone who has stepped on campus recently must have noticed the insane amount of construction in progress. Everywhere you turn, there's another gigantic hole in the ground, or the steel skeleton of some building-to-be. ...

September 23, 2005

Where Did the Violence Go?

By Nick Pasto

I watched a lot of television when I was a kid. My favorite show was "G.I. Joe." This program taught me almost everything I know about life. It taught me that it's okay to run around firing machine guns and missiles at y...

September 23, 2005

Take Two

By system

Two issues in and already two corrections. The

September 23, 2005

Student Influx Leaves Schnauzers Unsafe

By Harrison Coltun

This is the story of a man and his dog. Actually it is about one bitter senior and his small absent-minded schnauzer. What is on my mind is the recent and obnoxious influx of people back to this beautiful, horrible, fire...

September 22, 2005

A Summary for Slackers

By Chris Trenchard

Because it

September 22, 2005

Thursday or Bust

By system

Did you know that today is the first day of autumn? It

September 22, 2005

Learning Life Lessons at Freebirds

By Jeff Gibson

Staring red-eyed and perplexed into the gigantic black board, I realized of all the places in the world right now, this was where I wanted to be. It didn't matter that it was 2 a.m. or that I had just waited for what see...

September 22, 2005

Welcome Back to Your Nine-Month Vacation

By David Fuad

Ah, back-to-school season. Before college, going to back to school was the worst time of year. It meant the end of warm, lazy days spent doing nothing at the beach.

June 29, 2005

What a UCSB Degree Gets You

By Chris Trenchard

In my girlfriend's defense, I am rarely online. But I would like to expose what a degree from UCSB gets you these days. Her name is Dina Vainer, and yes, I promised her I would keep her identity ambiguous.

June 29, 2005

Chuck of the Irish

By system

Irishmen. They're everywhere, as you may now be aware. They're in our bars, our fat houses and our morning coffee. Clearly, the end of the world is upon us.

June 29, 2005

Nothing Beats an Endless Slummer

By Sean Swaby

For those of you reading this, chances are you are lucky enough to have made the correct decision to stay for the summer in our slum of a utopia -- or is it the other way around?