There is no shortage of fake, falsified, or forged phenomena in Isla Vista. We are great at faking everything from perfect tans to semi-believable excuses for skipping section to complete sobriety when the I.V. Foot Patrol sees you stumbling down Sabado on Saturday night. And there is nothing wrong with any of that.
However, there is one instance when faking it is just plain pointless. And no, I’m not talking about orgasms. I know drunken debauchery is a popular pastime here and-as much as we under-21 kids would like to hope – the guys manning the local liquor stores and bar doors are well-trained to resist the flirting of a would-be drunk who happens to be underage. However, a fake ID is still not a necessity for those of us whose D.I.P.’s come with an M.I.P. chaser.
Not only could a fake get you in some pretty serious legal trouble – getting caught with one can result in hefty fines to say the least – but more importantly, the I.V. culture renders fake IDs obsolete anyway. The whole point of a fake ID is to be able to drink before your legal time, but in I.V. you can drink anytime regardless of age, gender, religion, color, or creed. We’re cool and egalitarian like that.
It has been my experience when traveling in I.V. that you can always find someone willing to help your underage ass get good and tanked, no questions asked. Something about the confluence of healthy seaside air, vast quantities of college students in a mere square mile of space, and copious amounts of cheap booze tends to produce a party scene that is more welcoming and accessible than the bedroom of a drunken freshman eager to do the Wednesday Hump proud. All you have to do is ask and contribute to the booze fund – that helps.
Daily Nexus County Editor Mollie Vandor will flash anything but a fake.