So you’re under 21 and all you want to do is get drunk – wait, strike that – all you want to do is get drunk as cheaply as possible. There is no question that Isla Vista is one of the easiest places to find booze in such a predicament. But whether you crowd the keg at some upper classmen’s party, or you actually grow a pair and ask that 21-year-old friend from home if they can bust out a booze run, you’re still relying on your elders to do your shopping for you.
Sure, they’re nice and all, but do you like pulling a Monica Lewinski for a number two on the list of fanciful favors? Do you like spending more money to tip the already privileged a little something extra to avoid pissing off their wet and damaged livers?
If you answered “yes” then you’re a fucking moron. If you answered “no,” then relax, there is more than one way around this problem. While the first involves a bathtub, a knowledge of yeast cultures and the fermenting process and a giant pink panda bear who can tread water for hours on end, the second seems much more practical.
Go get yourself a fake ID. You’ll avoid the hassles of being a minor, while practicing for that Dramatic Art major you always had your eyes on. And instead of drinking the same boring light beer or the same bland concoctions, you’ll have the chance to do a little browsing of your own.
There is one problem though. Make sure you know your ID before you decide on braving it to the cash register. You don’t want to be three days into that black goatee when your plastic says you’re a natural blonde.
Daily Nexus Assistant Opinion Editor Jeff Gibson is a blonde where it counts.