This is the story of a man and his dog. Actually it is about one bitter senior and his small absent-minded schnauzer. What is on my mind is the recent and obnoxious influx of people back to this beautiful, horrible, fire-trap we call Isla Vista. Allow me to explain.

Over the summer I celebrated my 21st birthday by purchasing a dog. I had wanted one for a long time and seeing how this is my last year, I figured what the hell. I brought the little poop machine back to summer I.V. and the happiness began.

You see, summer I.V. is a quiet, sleepy beach community where it’s possible to get to know the few people actually smart enough to stick around. Living this close to the beach, I have been here since last summer.
I can’t understand why anyone would want to leave, but I’m sure they have their reasons. “The pooper” and I had no problem walking freely around the deserted streets. The dog could not have been happier.

All that changed sometime last Saturday or Sunday when I got back from boozing in Pismo Beach. I took my “schnau-schnau” for our usual walk when I noticed many more cars out on the streets. I scratched my head in wonder at the shirtless dudes drunkenly yelling at girls jogging by while perched atop their roof.

It wasn’t until two girls driving in their daddy-bought Lexus SUV, wearing their bug-eyed sunglasses and popped collars, came speeding down the street and almost ran over my dog and myself that I realized what was going on. The assholes are back and my sleepy beach community has turned back into the Mr. Hyde of debauchery known nationally as Isla Vista.

My beef is with all these jerks. These people have no appreciation for Isla Vista. Living here is one big nine-month inconvenience.

Isla Vista may be the hive for students, but there needs to be some level of respect for thy fellow neighbor. I am not saying don’t have a good time, and I’m not trying to piss on the party scene.

When people move back in, utter chaos sweeps over the land like a plague. No person, dog, car or couch is safe. If that’s how it is going to be, you temporaries don’t deserve to live here. Take a hike and never come back. My schnauzer and I would greatly appreciate it.