Opinion

May 18, 2006

Welcome to the Machine

By system

Remember back in the day when only the who’s who had cell phones? Now if one cannot get a hold of another’s cell, their lives are in disarray. The ‘human was befuddled when two – that’s righ...

May 18, 2006

Sex Dolls End Humanity

By Nick Pasto

I don't know what killed off the dinosaurs. Maybe it was an asteroid. Maybe it was disease. Maybe it was a combination of Pop Rocks and Coca-Cola. I'll probably never know for sure, but I do think I've managed to figure ...

May 18, 2006

Hey, Readers, Take a Look, It’s in a Book

By system

Books: What are books but odd bricks of paper we are supposed to read in order to pass our exams? A pile of books brings the top-shelf liquor into reach. They provide a quick scrap of paper to jot down a phone number - e...

May 17, 2006

Strange Days

By system

The ‘human decided that it was tired of being dark and gloomy and allowed the sun to shine for a short while today. Wednesday’s forecast: Despite the pleasant sun, unfortunately, the weatherhomework doesn&#82...

May 17, 2006

Orgasm Simultaneously

By Nina Anthony

dmittedly, I've never been a great one with numbers, but there is one number I believe everyone should be readily and happily familiar with: the infamous 69. I know there are some of you out there who just can't bring yo...

May 17, 2006

Bring Out Your Inner Elephant By Tanning

By system

I did it. I took everything I stand for as a human being and threw it out the window. What made me digress to such drastic measures? Nothing more than a simple glance at my calendar: T-minus 14 days until my cousins wedd...

May 17, 2006

UCSB Should Punish Serious Crimes Committed in IV

By system

The topic about UCSB officials cracking down on students for off-campus offenses was not handled quite right in Monday's editorial "Hey Teachers, Leave Us Adults Alone" (Daily Nexus, May 15). I would like to point out a ...

May 16, 2006

Steer Clear of Scammers

By Mark Signa

Knock, knock. Who's there? Steve. Steve who? Steve, some random guy who is traveling across the country with 10 other people, going door to door asking you to give him money or a check with your personal information and...

May 16, 2006

Tequila Sunrise

By system

The ‘human was pleasantly surprised this morning when it read that the store at Buchanan now sells tequila and 30-packs. Much to the ‘human’s chagrin, the whiteboard was wrong. Poor ‘human, poor s...

May 16, 2006

Cookiewich Craze Finally Reaches IV

By system

There's a new craze sweeping Isla Vista. In case you haven't heard, the cookiewich from I.V. Drip is the hottest thing since alcohol getting you drunk. The cookiewich is exactly what it sounds like: a cool scoop of ice c...

May 16, 2006

Honor the Most Important Man in IV: the Beer Vendor

By system

There is always one man that, no matter how sad or tired or depressed you are, can make you smile and ride off with feelings of inspiration, encouragement and joy. That man is the beer vendor. To be honest, he is not rea...

May 15, 2006

Hey Teachers, Leave Us Adults Alone

By system

The university administration has decided to treat its students like children. Over the next few months, UCSB officials will discuss whether the university will punish students for alcohol, drug and arson - read: couch b...

May 15, 2006

Silly Weather

By system

The ‘human will be the first to admit that the weather has kinda sucked this quarter. Monday’s forecast: Still pissed about overcast skies and this subpar box? Blame the Nexus for all these pesky corrections ...

May 15, 2006

Impeachment Effort Fails to Grasp the Constitution

By Joshua A. Rodine

Jake Thorn needs to step back, take a breath and reflect a little more critically on this impeachment he's proposing ("Support Bush's Impeachment," Daily Nexus, May 12). First, let's put all our cards on the table so tha...

May 12, 2006

El Taco ‘Humigo

By system

Rest in peace, El Taco Amigo. Your all-day happy hour made those morning classes so much more bearable. The ‘human shall miss thee. Friday’s forecast: The ‘human realizes El Taco Amigo only had its liqu...

May 12, 2006

Smoke Weed South of the Border

By Eliezer Sherman

In the coming weeks, Mexico may potentially become more progressive in terms of drug control than the United States. What? How is that possible? Well, the fact of the matter is, according to the Associated Press, Mexica...