Admittedly, I’ve never been a great one with numbers, but there is one number I believe everyone should be readily and happily familiar with: the infamous 69.
I know there are some of you out there who just can’t bring yourselves to doing it, and, if asked, you have a litany of complaints about why it just isn’t your style that range from “it’s selfish” and “I’m not coordinated enough” to “I don’t want my nose anywhere near someone’s you-know-what” and “I don’t like talking with my mouth full.” People seem to reject this position the way an antsy girlfriend rejects anal or golden showers, which is surprising because while oral sex feels great, it’s nice to change positions and try new things with it.
Sex should be fun. You should feel like Jacques Cousteau roaming uncharted, sexy territories in search of new and exciting ways to please yourself and others. Jacques never said “the water’s too cold, let’s go some other time” or “that thing looks cool, but man, I dunno, I’m not really up for it.” I realize it’s necessary to pacify your complaints by addressing them, and so I shall.
First, the issue of selfishness. You believe that if someone is getting more out of their end of the bargain, the one who is doing all the work will be getting very little in return. Well, it depends who you do it with. If you choose someone who could care less about your pleasure, then, yeah, you’re out of luck. But take my advice: Find someone with something to prove or an old score to settle. Your pleasure will be practically guaranteed, or at least you’ll be receiving the old college try. This is not an excuse to slack on your end, though. It’s called mutual oral gratification for a reason; otherwise, it would just be “suck me off while you lay on my mouth.”
Coordination may be a problem; it’s neither the most graceful of positions nor the easiest to transition into. Get over it. I’m sure the first time you stepped out to dance in a crowded, black light-bathed Isla Vista living room you weren’t sure what to do. But, after awhile, you laughed, felt the music and got the hang of it. Now you’re probably I.V. table dancing royalty. There are plenty of ways to do it besides bending over someone’s shoulders. You can lie[[ok]] next to each other and reach with your hands and mouths, or you could lie on opposite sides facing each other. The best way to make something comfortable is to make it your own.
Then, of course, there’s the hygiene issue. There’s not much more I can say than make sure your backsides are washed thoroughly, because someone’s nose is going to be up close and personal. Also, men, wash your balls, as her nose will be even closer to those.
If you’re worried about communicating your needs, the 69 position offers a number of ways to do so without having to breach etiquette by talking with your mouth full. Mirroring actions by varying speed or technique is one, tonguing out Morse Code is another. For women who are used to men overzealously thrusting during oral sex, being on top in this position is almost like payback: Your hips are free to move around and find just the right place to situate yourself. This is especially useful if reaching orgasm through oral sex is a crapshoot. Sometimes, no matter how much direction you give, wayward tongues can get lost. When you have the freedom to move yourself instead of wait for his mouth to get it right it’s surprisingly much easier to reach climax.
The 69 position is extremely harmonious when done correctly. There’s no “you first and then I get mine” sort of expectations, which are far more selfish than getting satisfied while satisfying another. When timed just right, it’s also possible to climax simultaneously, which, in terms of harmony, is nirvana.
Daily Nexus sex columnist Nina Love Anthony makes sure that the balls she’s about to lick smell like teen spirit before she dives down under.