In the coming weeks, Mexico may potentially become more progressive in terms of drug control than the United States. What? How is that possible?

Well, the fact of the matter is, according to the Associated Press, Mexican president Vicente Fox is going to sign a measure that will decriminalize the possession of small amounts of marijuana, opium, hallucinogenic mushrooms, peyote, heroin, cocaine and all the other wonderful things that our brains evolved to enjoy. In my arrogant opinion, this may represent the most progressive advance in controlling drug dealing in the history of, well, since I was born.

And, of course, because the United States seems to have become almost completely opposed to progress, top Washington politicians and, of course, border city politicians are up in arms – resulting in the delay of Fox rolling with the bill. Several politicians, including San Diego Mayor Jerry Saunders, have claimed that this will heavily tilt the drug war in favor of Mexican drug lords. Washington has even pressured Fox enough that the passing of the bill was delayed. This is not really that surprising, seeing as the US has been growing steadily – since the start of the Cold War – as a nation keen on forcing others to behave the way we want them to.

But I want to give the Mexican bill a little breathing room before it is completely thizzed by our government. Since the US has also grown completely opposed to progress in social issues – abortion rights, homosexual marriage, immigration policy and the declaration of 4/20 as a national holiday – I think it best to look at what positive results may come from this new Mexican bill.

First of all, it’s still just as illegal to sling the drugs back to the US. If you have the drugs in Mexico, legally it can only be, at most, 200 milligrams of ecstacy, 5 grams of marijuana, 25 milligrams of heroin and other measly small amounts. Is 5 grams of marijuana really hurting someone?

The States, as my papa always said, is a country of extremes. Either you smoke two packs a day or you don’t smoke at all. Instead of eating well and exercising, our culture trains us to look for the miracle diet. We’re either liberal or conservative, religious or atheist, stoners or straight-edges, punks or jocks. This country’s culture creates and encourages these extremes and so the issues around drugs follow suit.

According to the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health, ‘shrooms are less toxic than both nicotine and aspirin, and they’re non-addictive. But US culture can’t seem to cope. If you take ‘shrooms, you’re supposed to immediately become addicted to Pink Floyd, trippy tapestries, molesting trees and smoking pot all the time. Not only that, but owning magic love mushrooms is considered a felony. I just don’t get it. How is it more legal to get a gun to fucking shoot someone else than to buy some ‘shrooms to get fucked up yourself?

I fully applaud the Mexican government’s decision to roll with this bill. After all, the purpose of the bill – though US politicians would never admit it – is not to make drug addicts, but to focus police attention on drug dealers. Dealing around schools will have heightened penalties, cops will focus their attention on destroying the drug cartels and, in the meantime, citizens can relax and smoke a joint in the privacy of their homes without feeling like they’re doing something illegal. After all, Mexicans are having enough trouble feeling illegal – thanks to the US – these days.

Lastly, the law is encouraging a type of moderation with drugs that I, again, applaud. As a firm believer in Taoist yin and yang, I think that one extreme cannot exist without the other. Our goal, as humans who understand this, is to find the beautiful mixture of the white and black and to live our lives in a paler shade of grey. So, smoke a joint once in a while, take a ‘shroom to ponder existence, drink to ease up and smoke opium to calm down. Just don’t overdo it. This is my favorite part of this law. The law does not force anyone to take drugs, nor does it allow them to take excess amounts. So, hats off to Mexico, and I’m off to Tijuana to shoot up in a puddle of my own vomit after a night of thizzing, fucking cacti and tripping out on the pretty colors and tweed of a sombrero.

Eliezer Sherman is a freshman Middle Eastern studies major.