A word from our 2025 seniors

May 29, 2025 by , and

Three of our beloved seniors reflect on their years cramped beneath Storke Tower.
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Music Library closing makes students ask: We had a Music Library?

August 17, 2024 by

The five music students at UC Santa Barbara and a couple other socially anxious students are devastated after the Music Library officially shut their doors this past Friday. However, pretty much every...
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Timely! Student only has clock app open during lecture

October 13, 2023 by

“Yeah, I usually just have a clock open during class. I don’t really need to take notes on the lecture or anything, I am studying the time. I’ve got to get out of here actually,” said second-y...
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Hispanic serving! Student serving cunt everyday of Hispanic Heritage Month

October 12, 2023 by

iOlé, Gauchos! UC Santa Barbara, despite its vaguely racist mascot while being a Hispanic Serving Institution, has long been known for having a large population of Latinx students, making Hispanic He...
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¡Prepárense para el impacto! Estudiantes de último año fortifican el campus a medida de la llegada de los de primer año

September 29, 2023 by and

¿¿Bueno?? ¿¿Bueno??? Si te llega esta señal, quiere decir que estás a salvo… por ahora. Hay un refugio seguro alrededor de Storke Tower al que debes llegar, preferiblemente antes de que hayamo...
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Brace for impact! Upperclassmen fortify campus as freshmen arrive

September 9, 2023 by

Freshmeat will be here before you know it, and as the strong, wise, and mature upperclassmen, we must be ready. 
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Bike pile caused by Looney Tunes-style faux tunnel

October 11, 2022 by

The girl ran straight into what looked exactly like the same old tunnel. All the others followed suit and then there was just a cloud of smoke with cartoon sound effects coming out of it, and a tangle...
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Freshman distraught after missing sexual orientation

October 2, 2022 by

Sadly, Closset was unable to attend sexual orientation, where students are assigned their sexuality for their time here at UC Santa Barbara.
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Carrillo, My Beloved: A Review of Dining Hall Food

May 5, 2022 by

Carrillo, with all my heart, I love you, and you will forever be my favorite dining hall. 
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If I Was an Octopus, My Tentacles and I Would’ve Owned the Dining Hall by Now

October 28, 2021 by

Well shit! My tummy just rumbled — a foreboding sign that the quest to the dining hall is soon to come. We’ve all dealt with the annoying inconveniences of the dining hall, from not being able to ...
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