Weather

Thump, Thump

April 2, 2003 by

There is a weatherpet this year. It happens to be a hamster. The weathercavemates enjoy tormenting the weatherpet. They like to turn its cage around and watch it get confused.
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Limited Resources

March 31, 2003 by

I have returned from Spring Break with pleasant (if hazy) memories and no money. My cupboards are empty, my classes are starting, rent is due and now it's time to make the all important decision:
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This House is Clean

March 7, 2003 by

It's here: the last real Friday of the quarter. Students across campus will soon go grudgingly from hitting the bottle to hitting the books
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It’s Not Working

March 6, 2003 by

I have divided the remainder of my quarter into "real work" and "fake work."In a way, I'm just being honest with myself. I never study for my last final and I invariably scribble out my last paper. Th...
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Can’t Buy Me Love

March 5, 2003 by

It's a good day for dildos, furry handcuffs and American values. On Tuesday, Victoria's Secret - merchants of bras and panties modeled by pointy-chinned, giraffe-necked women with IQs roughly equal to...
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Make-up Work

March 4, 2003 by

Don't ditch class. Kerr Hall is a scary place. At 10 o'clock at night the building is dark and creepy. It looks something like an old castle in the moonlight. All the windows are dark.
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This is Just the Day

February 28, 2003 by

In memory of the late, sweatered Fred Rodgers of "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood," and out of sympathy for the nation's embittered obituary headline writers:
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Feverish

February 28, 2003 by

I hate being sick. It started with a sniffle. Then my nose wouldn't stop running. Then it stopped up and I started coughing instead. Now my day is divided into three parts: sickness, overmedication, a...
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Unsportsmanlike Conduct

February 27, 2003 by

Thursday's forecast: Sunny and dry, apparently.
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The Overworked Weatherhuman

February 26, 2003 by

Wednesday's forecast: Today, expect partly cloudy skies with highs in the mid-60s and lows in the mid-40s. The week should be dry through Friday, but expect light showers Saturday afternoon.
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Tracking Trilby

February 25, 2003 by

We ran a news brief off the wires yesterday, "Expert Says High Gas Prices Should Drop Soon," which carried the predictions of one Trilby Lundberg.
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Pest Control

February 24, 2003 by

As I am writing this, there is a mosquito hovering above my head, which looks, from my perspective, to be about the size of a Cessna light aircraft.
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I’ve Got Lots of Class

February 21, 2003 by

Everyone has one - that last class at the end of the day. All your other classes have been over for hours. You've gone home, eaten dinner, watched TV. Then suddenly you look at the clock and realiz...
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Time Enough at Last

February 20, 2003 by

My professor nearly put me into suspended animation today. As I listened to the drone of his voice, I could feel my blood sugar dropping and hear my heart rate begin to slow.
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I Get Letters

February 19, 2003 by

Do I get fan mail? A little. Do I get hate mail? Sometimes. But more than anything else, I get junk mail. It's literally amazing what people want to sell to the Weatherhuman.
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