Weather

October 14, 2002

Greenthief

By Staff

The police stopped a thief down the street from my apartment this weekend. "Bikes," I thought. Or maybe computer equipment. But no. His truck was full of stolen... palm fronds.

October 11, 2002

For What It’s Worth

By Staff

Okay, I'll apologize. A.S. funds a lot of important stuff. They're pretty cranky about it, though. It's almost like they lost a million dollars of student money on the stock market.

October 10, 2002

Hello, Sports Fans

By Staff

I hear they've canceled the plan to put giant cement islands on all the I.V. streets. So in effect, the county has paid a lot of money to mark all the roads with useless construction paint.

October 9, 2002

The Weatherfund

By Staff

It's time for "special elections," although I'm not sure what's so special about them. The issue, as I understand it, is that A.S. squandered its money on bad investments, resulting in massive debt, and now needs money t...

October 8, 2002

The Death of a Salesman

By Staff

The youth crime prevention kid woke me up at 9 this morning to sell me a candy bar.

October 7, 2002

Drink of the Week

By Staff

I used to like the sparrow family in the UCen. They're cute when they fly up and perch on your chair. They clean the floors of excess croissant crumbs.

October 4, 2002

Getting to Know All About You…

By Staff

Centuries ago, men and women were shown the implements of torture and given a chance to confess their sins before being tried and burned at the stake.

October 3, 2002

One-Liner (Maybe Two)

By Staff

One-Liner (Maybe Two)

October 2, 2002

Huffy, Schwinn and Natural Selection

By Staff

The freshman packs are dwindling down to groups of four and five. Some might attribute this to them "settling in," but I think I know better.

October 1, 2002

Is There Porn on Your Computer?

By Staff

Somewhere out there is a god among internet advertisers. This is how the scam works:

September 30, 2002

Your Assigned Reading

By Staff

Standing in line for readers sucks. Especially when you know what they're going to say. I'm going to save you some time. Here's your assigned reading:

September 27, 2002

Service Unity Responsibility Fun

By Staff

Free surfboards in the UCen! I swear, I was walking by and there it was, mounted on the wall. You should hurry though, because there are only a couple left.

September 26, 2002

Welcome Week Wildlife

By Staff

At the dawn of time, great herds of freshmen roamed the vast expanses of the West. Today their numbers have dwindled to small packs of between 30 and 50 individuals.

September 20, 2002

The Village People

By Staff

Welcome back, everyone. I would especially like to take this opportunity to welcome all of this year's freshmen to Manzanita Village.

August 28, 2002

Please, Allow Me to Introduce Myself

By Staff

I am the Weatherhuman - a faceless, genderless entity whose job it is to defend the populace, or at least make them laugh until it doesn't hurt anymore.

June 26, 2002