Welcome back, everyone. I would especially like to take this opportunity to welcome all of this year’s freshmen to Manzanita Village.

With its swimming pools.

And its huge rooms.

And its ocean boardwalk…

I’m only mildly bitter.

Live it up, bastards. You still have to eat at the dining commons.

This week’s forcast: The food may be good now, but wait till your parents go home.