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The Hurdles to Jump Before You Hump

June 26, 2013 by

The standards that girls and guys hold each other to are very different when it comes to evaluating the attractiveness of a potential partner. Traditionally, women are expected to be groomed, cleaned,...
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Farewell from Opinion: L & T Sign Off

June 6, 2013 by and

  When I first took my graduation gown out of its packaging, I nearly cried. I am not wearing that. No way. No. Never. ‘If you put that thing on,’ my inner voice-over warned, ‘the bubble wi...
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Letter to the Editor: The Cocaine Problem

May 31, 2013 by

I graduated in 2011 from this wonderful school of ours with four years’ worth of great memories and friends. I can honestly say that my time at UCSB was the happiest four years of my life. About a m...
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Study Tips from Highway Nirvana

May 31, 2013 by

The last weekend before dead week is an academically serious one, though not an Adderall-fueled study binge like the two weeks to follow. This year, Memorial Day weekend was a gentle, deliberate windu...
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Letter to the Editor: Response to 5/29/13 Wednesday Hump

May 31, 2013 by

As a man in Isla Vista, I ask “what is wrong with a little experience?” Am I the only one turned off by virgins? Am I the only one who wants satisfaction without having to give a seminar on oral p...
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Politically Incorrect: Time for a Change

May 30, 2013 by

You’re going to die. I know that’s not the most chipper salutation. It’s not exactly a “Good morning!” or a “Happy Thursday!”, but as the school year (and this column) winds down to a cl...
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Ask an Atheist: Why Don’t You Just Call Yourself an Agnostic?

May 29, 2013 by and

When I engage in a philosophical or religious conversation with some of my peers, a common phrase reiterated is, “Oh, I’m not an atheist; I’m an agnostic.” Though it may appear insignificant, ...
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Humpin’ for the First Time: The Ins and Outs of Virginity

May 29, 2013 by

In an age where pornography is just a few clicks away, shampoo commercials are practically orgasmic and private areas can be bejeweled, one might consider the concept of “chastity” to be a thing o...
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Luhrmann’s Gatsby: Give It a Chance, Old Sport

May 28, 2013 by

I’m not sure if one can be addicted to literature, or to the abstract theories and opinions of said works, but if so, I’m in need of a support group and a 12-step plan. I could give you a full run...
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Right-Side Columnist Bids UCSB Farewell

May 28, 2013 by

I’ll be perfectly honest — UCSB wasn’t my first choice, by far. I came out of high school the preppy, sarcastic valedictorian of a sleepy suburb no one’s heard of. Despite receiving the Regent...
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Alum Gets Fired Up Over IV Couch Burnings

May 24, 2013 by

Every time I walk down Sueno, no matter what I was thinking about before, I start viciously fantasizing about yelling at kids to get off my lawn … I mean streets. You might not have noticed this, bu...
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When Becoming the Issue Becomes the Issue

May 23, 2013 by

I was digging into a new novel on the patio outside Nicoletti’s a few weeks back when a single word in a nearby conversation caught my attention: divestment. The pair — a guy and girl, both colleg...
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Anatomy of an Overdose

May 22, 2013 by

I am dead. I was not a UCSB student; I actually went to college on the East Coast for almost two years. I died of what people call an “unintentional overdose.” I was 19. I was in a good school, re...
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In the Eyes of Your Campus Psychologists

May 22, 2013 by

“Mental health” — what does that even mean? Although most commonly used in conjunction with the word “issue,” the reality is that everyone sits somewhere on the mental health continuum, just...
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If You Like It … Put a Label On It

May 22, 2013 by

In college, particularly in Isla Vista, we are encouraged to despise labels. You may be lying blissfully in bed when your partner of x-months asks you timidly, “So, are we exclusive?” Don’t pani...
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