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The Hurdles to Jump Before You Hump

The standards that girls and guys hold each other to are very different when it comes to evaluating the attractiveness of a potential partner. Traditionally, women are expected to be groomed, cleaned,...
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Farewell from Opinion: L & T Sign Off

  When I first took my graduation gown out of its packaging, I nearly cried. I am not wearing that. No way. No. Never. ‘If you put that thing on,’ my inner voice-over warned, ‘the bubble wi...
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Letter to the Editor: The Cocaine Problem

I graduated in 2011 from this wonderful school of ours with four years’ worth of great memories and friends. I can honestly say that my time at UCSB was the happiest four years of my life. About a m...
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Study Tips from Highway Nirvana

The last weekend before dead week is an academically serious one, though not an Adderall-fueled study binge like the two weeks to follow. This year, Memorial Day weekend was a gentle, deliberate windu...
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Letter to the Editor: Response to 5/29/13 Wednesday Hump

As a man in Isla Vista, I ask “what is wrong with a little experience?” Am I the only one turned off by virgins? Am I the only one who wants satisfaction without having to give a seminar on oral p...
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Politically Incorrect: Time for a Change

You’re going to die. I know that’s not the most chipper salutation. It’s not exactly a “Good morning!” or a “Happy Thursday!”, but as the school year (and this column) winds down to a cl...
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Ask an Atheist: Why Don’t You Just Call Yourself an Agnostic?

When I engage in a philosophical or religious conversation with some of my peers, a common phrase reiterated is, “Oh, I’m not an atheist; I’m an agnostic.” Though it may appear insignificant, ...
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Humpin’ for the First Time: The Ins and Outs of Virginity

In an age where pornography is just a few clicks away, shampoo commercials are practically orgasmic and private areas can be bejeweled, one might consider the concept of “chastity” to be a thing o...
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Luhrmann’s Gatsby: Give It a Chance, Old Sport

I’m not sure if one can be addicted to literature, or to the abstract theories and opinions of said works, but if so, I’m in need of a support group and a 12-step plan. I could give you a full run...
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Right-Side Columnist Bids UCSB Farewell

I’ll be perfectly honest — UCSB wasn’t my first choice, by far. I came out of high school the preppy, sarcastic valedictorian of a sleepy suburb no one’s heard of. Despite receiving the Regent...
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Alum Gets Fired Up Over IV Couch Burnings

Every time I walk down Sueno, no matter what I was thinking about before, I start viciously fantasizing about yelling at kids to get off my lawn … I mean streets. You might not have noticed this, bu...
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When Becoming the Issue Becomes the Issue

I was digging into a new novel on the patio outside Nicoletti’s a few weeks back when a single word in a nearby conversation caught my attention: divestment. The pair — a guy and girl, both colleg...
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Anatomy of an Overdose

I am dead. I was not a UCSB student; I actually went to college on the East Coast for almost two years. I died of what people call an “unintentional overdose.” I was 19. I was in a good school, re...
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In the Eyes of Your Campus Psychologists

“Mental health” — what does that even mean? Although most commonly used in conjunction with the word “issue,” the reality is that everyone sits somewhere on the mental health continuum, just...
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If You Like It … Put a Label On It

In college, particularly in Isla Vista, we are encouraged to despise labels. You may be lying blissfully in bed when your partner of x-months asks you timidly, “So, are we exclusive?” Don’t pani...
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