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Monkey Hot Line

October 24, 2003 by

Monkeys are truly marvels of nature - so like us, yet able to masturbate in public and fling feces. Perhaps, rather than looking at monkeys as humanity's evolutionary predecessors, we should look at m...
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Evel Lives

October 23, 2003 by

Evel Knievel made it to 65 years old this week. I think that sends some great messages to the youth. Break any bone in your body and it will heal. A life of big-time gambling means certain pain and eq...
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Mother Nature Loves Bush

October 23, 2003 by

Having been in California for just over a month now, I have come to reassess this narrow-minded condemnation; in fact I'd go as far as to say that I think Bush is a really great guy. Please allow me t...
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The Artful Dodger: ‘The Real World’ Is Lame but Rejection Still Sucks

October 23, 2003 by

I just volunteered to have my privacy obliterated and my very persona flattened into a two-dimensional TV character. I auditioned for "The Real World."
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Marriage Protection Week Is a Time to Fight Love

October 23, 2003 by

I hope that everyone had an excellent Marriage Protection Week. Devoting an entire week to celebrating love and encouraging it to blossom is a wonderful idea.
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Free Food Doesn’t Always Come in Candy on Halloween

October 23, 2003 by

Looking forward to Halloween? The Associated Students Commission on Public Safety (ASCPS) wants you to maximize your pleasure and minimize your pain this year by coming out to the "Halloween Public Sa...
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‘Assylum’ Isn’t an Accurate Representation of Psychology

October 23, 2003 by

On Oct. 21, 2003, you ran a comic strip titled, "The Assylum." This comic strip offended me because I have spent a week in a psychiatric hospital. I ended up in the hospital because last year, I tried...
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Hot and Ready for Action

October 22, 2003 by

Nothing feels better than waking up and knowing you have a hot date lined up for the evening. It's not just any date, it's the date with that special someone you've been seeing for a few weeks.
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Hot Hot ‘Human

October 22, 2003 by

Hot day yesterday, huh? I have trouble getting motivated when it's that hot. I just want to lay outside naked and get drunk and sweaty with someone special.
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Have Your Cake, Eat It and Save a Slice

October 22, 2003 by

They say you can't have your cake and eat it too. But that's not necessarily the truth. All too often it seems we measure out cakes and our lives by an "all or nothing" standard.
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Sexual Assault Is Not Sex

October 21, 2003 by

People in this society who are committed to reducing sexual assault fall under a common misconception that must be clarified. We are dedicated to the end of rape and sexual assault, not sex! In fact, ...
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And the Truth Shall Set You in Pee

October 21, 2003 by

How about the open letter from the Chancellor about National Collegiate Alcohol Awareness Week? Long, boring and full of statements like "Alcohol abuse directly undercuts the return on your parents' e...
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Weekend Campaign Hopes for Three Days Free of Rape

October 21, 2003 by

Between Oct. 23 and Oct. 26, UCSB's Rape Prevention Education Program will initiate a new campaign entitled, "I Want a Truce." This campaign seeks as its goal three days without sexual assault in our ...
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Searching for Even Steven

October 20, 2003 by

Something has been bothering me more and more. I have followed the debate in the Nexus opinion page with continuing dissatisfaction. This feeling of unease climaxed Wednesday night when I attended a t...
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Why is Money Green?

October 20, 2003 by

What is with the commercials for the new twenty-dollar bill? Why do they need to advertise money? If I can use this new bill to purchase things, I assure you I will use it.
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