Privacy is something very uncommon to us in this quaint little sardine can known as Isla Vista. You can’t sleep, eat or study without someone seeing or hearing you. Fortunately, that makes I.V. a unique and interesting community to be a part of. Unfortunately, if you are doing something private, like sex in the shower, keeping it discreet is nearly an impossible chore.

The key to being sneaky about sharing a shower is to be clean, quick and quiet. For instance, an obvious blob of jizz on the bar of Irish Spring may just be an accident. Leaving it there for a roommate to use and wonder why it is lathering less than usual is just plain sloppy.

Say your roommate comes home one night to find someone occupying the shower. If you are in there for so long your entire apartment complex has no hot water left, chances are your roommate will think you are either dead or masturbating with as much gusto as that of Pee Wee Herman in a movie theater. That is, until you come out of the bathroom with a partner (or a group).

If you’re like me, you don’t give a shit what your roommates hear coming from behind the bathroom door. They will probably be out there with their ears pressed to the door wishing they could be so lucky. Whether sly or conspicuous, showering with a partner can be better than a free hour-long massage during finals week.

Candles are usually a fun addition to the mood of a shower and the soft light is more flattering to the features of the body. If getting wet happens to make you look like a hairless newborn mouse covered in placenta fluid, candles can offset the pressure. But even though a shower involves water, watch out for that hair gel with the candle fire, especially you guys out there, otherwise you could end up looking like an animated, screaming matchstick with a boner.

After the lighting is squared away, feel free to get sensual with the soap. A good rubdown in all the right places is great foreplay, but avoid soap in the eyes at all costs. Washing each other is also handy in making sure the person you are about to fuck actually cleanses the parts that have been festering in their undies all day.

Awkward angles are the name of the game when the soap shenanigans end and the sex actually begins. When using any standing position, the kind of thrusting done at that angle can cause a girl to queef so often it sounds like she is playing a didgeridoo. Additionally, sexin’ while standing – or even some bent-over boning – is hard to balance with all the soap and water interfering with the footing. This is some deep dickin’, not the Ice Capades, so slipping all over the shower floor doesn’t cut it. Sex and broken bones don’t mix.

Having babies and trying to graduate college doesn’t usually mix either, so I suggest using a condom even though it is difficult to do so under running water because it strips the body of its natural moisture. Try keeping a bottle of water-based lube in the shower for additional wetness – water based so it won’t degrade the structural integrity of the latex condom. Liberal use prevents that sand paper dry sex which leaves females so raw they walk around looking like they have poopy pants for hours after.

When all is said and done, the one thing you should never do, no matter how good the sex, is use the toilet in front of the other person. It may be tempting, but you are not an old married couple and there is no better way to freak a person out than to let them watch you excrete humanly waste.

Sex in the shower can be tough to execute but, if done right, is well worth putting some time in to try it. I mean, it is the one of the few times when it is OK to have a cum mustache that makes you look strikingly similar to the great Colonel Sanders because hey, you can just wash it right off. You could even share a towel afterward and the next thing you know you will be getting it on again. Shower sex takes the monotony out of an everyday experience and replaces it with intimacy and excitement. So tonight, why don’t you go home and save some water – shower with a friend.

If there’s on thing Daily Nexus sex columnist Kate Rice doesn’t like, it’s wasting water. Or water-based lube.