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Hold the Phone

November 4, 2003 by

Someone on campus gave the 'human an ugly look because she was standing next to me using a hands-free phone and I asked if she was talking to me.
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PATRIOT Act Threatens the Future More Than Liberals

November 4, 2003 by

The Nov. 3 editorial, "Your Friendly PATRIOT Act," missed a crucial piece of "whiny liberals'" objection to the USA PATRIOT Act. It isn't a misguided fear of government that leads such notoriously lib...
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Confidence Shouldn’t Be Fear-Inspiring to All Males

November 4, 2003 by

Before addressing Katherine Drabiak's argument that men can't handle an assertive female, let me clarify an important point: Despite my accusations against the male species, I indeed like the gender.
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That Was a Lot of Money Back Then

November 3, 2003 by

Things are never how they appear on Halloween. My companion at an exclusive downtown bar amazed me with their ability to keep up for hours with my rare weatherhuman dance attack.
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Your Friendly PATRIOT Act

November 3, 2003 by

Sure, Big Brother is watching with the KH-11, KH-12, Lacrosse, Onyx and Vega satellites. Big Brother can monitor phone and e-mail communications. Search warrants are easier to obtain.
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California and PIRG Help to Clean Up Clean Air Act

November 3, 2003 by

As I was reading "Lawsuit Against Clean Air Act Looks to Block New Changes" in the Oct. 28 issue of the Daily Nexus, I was surprised to discover a few interesting facts missing.
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No, Seriously – We Didn’t Mean to Be That Offensive

November 3, 2003 by

The Halloween flyer was intended to increase student awareness about current Isla Vista laws and regulations. I apologize to anyone that it might have offended.
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UCSB Must Remedy the Intersection of Certain Doom

November 3, 2003 by

I almost lost my life. I am not here to preach about the importance of driving safely. We should instead focus on the future and on preventing this from repeating.
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Relief for the Rash-Ridden

October 31, 2003 by

Do you have questions about your health but don't have enough time to ask even your permanent couch roommate, a connoisseur of mysterious insect bites, about the effects of an itchy, unknown rash?
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Slippery Like a Pissed-On Pig

October 31, 2003 by

Watch your step tonight. There's going to be horses with cop-jockeys stalking the streets of I.V. Personally, I'm not sure how we're going to handle the smell.
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Cookies ‘n’ Milk: the New Beer for Halloween This Year?

October 31, 2003 by

Students of UCSB, I come before you today with intrepid ideas and profound propositions. Gone are the days of the kegger, I say to you - gone, cast into that dark place where such barbaric things of t...
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Cops Shouldn’t Chat When They’re on the Clock

October 31, 2003 by

With Halloween weekend parties upon us, I'm sure the police department has been putting in much time and effort beefing up their force, pulling out all the stops and definitely sparing no tax money fo...
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Huff’s Anal Sex Column Soils the Holiest of Holies

October 31, 2003 by

In response to Christina Huff's article last Wednesday ("A Back Door to Sexual Delight? Butt of Course!"Daily Nexus, Oct.29), I was disgusted reading your article. Not the topic - everyone is entitled...
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DeFranceschi Brightens Up a Curvy Girl’s World

October 31, 2003 by

I am writing you regarding the article "Curvy Cate Shouldn't Try to Be Skinny Minnie" by Sam DeFranceschi that ran on Oct. 29. I don't know how else to express how I felt after reading the article exc...
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Jack-o’-Hot Line

October 31, 2003 by

The pumpkins reign tonight. I tell ya, those toothy fuckers will wait to bite you on the ass as you stumble drunkenly home from another famous Isla Vista Halloween - with the teeth you carved with you...
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