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UCSB Must Remedy the Intersection of Certain Doom

November 3, 2003 by

I almost lost my life. I am not here to preach about the importance of driving safely. We should instead focus on the future and on preventing this from repeating.
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Relief for the Rash-Ridden

October 31, 2003 by

Do you have questions about your health but don't have enough time to ask even your permanent couch roommate, a connoisseur of mysterious insect bites, about the effects of an itchy, unknown rash?
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Slippery Like a Pissed-On Pig

October 31, 2003 by

Watch your step tonight. There's going to be horses with cop-jockeys stalking the streets of I.V. Personally, I'm not sure how we're going to handle the smell.
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Cookies ‘n’ Milk: the New Beer for Halloween This Year?

October 31, 2003 by

Students of UCSB, I come before you today with intrepid ideas and profound propositions. Gone are the days of the kegger, I say to you - gone, cast into that dark place where such barbaric things of t...
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Cops Shouldn’t Chat When They’re on the Clock

October 31, 2003 by

With Halloween weekend parties upon us, I'm sure the police department has been putting in much time and effort beefing up their force, pulling out all the stops and definitely sparing no tax money fo...
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Huff’s Anal Sex Column Soils the Holiest of Holies

October 31, 2003 by

In response to Christina Huff's article last Wednesday ("A Back Door to Sexual Delight? Butt of Course!"Daily Nexus, Oct.29), I was disgusted reading your article. Not the topic - everyone is entitled...
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DeFranceschi Brightens Up a Curvy Girl’s World

October 31, 2003 by

I am writing you regarding the article "Curvy Cate Shouldn't Try to Be Skinny Minnie" by Sam DeFranceschi that ran on Oct. 29. I don't know how else to express how I felt after reading the article exc...
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Jack-o’-Hot Line

October 31, 2003 by

The pumpkins reign tonight. I tell ya, those toothy fuckers will wait to bite you on the ass as you stumble drunkenly home from another famous Isla Vista Halloween - with the teeth you carved with you...
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How the Grinch Stole Halloween

October 30, 2003 by

"Halloween in Isla Vista: The Party Is Over." This is the subject line of the anti-fun e-mail that Richard Jenkins at the Office of Student Life sent out to students at UCSB, schools across California...
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Human In Black

October 30, 2003 by

The weathercomputer is on the fritz once again. The friendly technical support representative diagnosed my grumblings as resulting from a faulty motherboard.
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Will Your Politics Be on the Final, Professors?

October 30, 2003 by

Students don't pay for lectures about why the president is an asshole when they should be teaching them how to make a macaroni sculpture or interpret Dostoyevsky. Neither should they expect to learn a...
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Halloween Could Be Fun if I.V. Were a Democracy

October 30, 2003 by

On Monday I realized a much more important side of the issue: Our ability to party this Halloween is directly proportional to the amount of democratic might we wield over our own destinies. Isla Vista...
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Dating Game Puts All of the Cards in Men’s Hands

October 30, 2003 by

Straight flush. As the cards are dealt, the expressionless poker face overtakes the features, suppressing emotion and sense of honesty. My poker history of interests reads like a failed tournament: to...
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Weatherfever-Catch It!

October 29, 2003 by

Why do I have to get sick? Why me? What did I do to deserve this? And how will I bring laughter to the masses when I can't even breathe?
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Badger the Badge, Please

October 29, 2003 by

This letter begins what I hope will be a continuing series promoting communication between the students of UCSB and law enforcement of our area.
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