The weatherhuman is on vacation in Las Vegas. Filling in today is its attorney and personal physician, Dr. Lazlo von Zonkerstein.

As the weatherhuman’s attorney I advise anyone who reads this to stand up and go home. It is Friday, and it is raining. The fact you or someone you know even made it close enough to school to pick up this publication leads me to question your mental stability.

Friday’s forecast: Pissed-off locals and horrified tourists. There goes my weekend – the ‘human will need plenty of legal advice before this thing is over.