Opinion
Anyone who has ever been around here March through June should know about the mad rush of people looking to get action on a daily basis during this time. If you haven't, you are in for a treat. Spring...
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It has come to my attention that a significant number of my peers are fornicating premaritally. Upon discovering this, I was shocked and alarmed, and I wondered what foul design is influencing this be...
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TV reminds me that the world is unjust. Everyday I watch the news and hear from Mr. Newsie Newsman that innocents die in terrorist attacks, that the financial chasm between the rich and the poor widen...
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This is something I hate more than anything else. I hate when, for example, I'm about to walk into San Nicolas Residence Hall, but before I go inside, I yell to a bunch of guys playing football on the...
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I hate Zebras. I really do. They're a sad excuse for an animal adapted to live on the harsh African plains. They're not horses.
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With all this hubbub about gay marriage, I feel like voicing my opinion. I, for one, wish gays could get married, if only so they'd stop marrying me.
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As a feminist, I am offended by any slang term referring to the female breast. Kindly never print the following words in your fine publication: titties, knockers, hooters, headlights, fun bags, jugs, ...
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A recent Dartmouth Medical School study found that teenagers who are religious are less likely to be depressed and more likely to be satisfied with their families and school than secular teens.
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New evidence of WMD was found on Capitol Hill last week. Weapons of Mass Distraction came pouring out of the White House and through news outlets in an attempt to change the subject of public dialog. ...
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Population growth is a big problem for me. As an environmentalist, I'm concerned that America already uses more resources than it can sustain. Water tables are dropping, topsoil is eroding and other b...
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Hope everyone had a fun Spring Break. The weatherhuman had a successful Baja surf trip. Sure, the weather sucked.
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Every year, the arrival of the spring season always sets something crazy off in me. With temperatures on the rise, days getting longer and the intoxicating scent of exotic foliage filling the air, I g...
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Guilt-free tulips to the grocers' union for reaching an agreement with Albertsons, Ralphs and Safeway and no longer making us feel like shit when we pick up Top Ramen and condoms.
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Last issue before spring break. In an effort to keep you safe, I will share a cautionary tale.
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“Greased Lightnin’” from “Grease”
Sunset waltz from “La La Land”
“Thriller” by Michael Jackson
Frat flick
“Macarena” by Los Del Río
“Gangnam Style” by PSY
“Swan Lake” by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky
Renegade
“Cell Block Tango” from “Chicago”
“The Last Text” from “Dance Moms”
Flossing
All of “Hamilton”
