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The X Fracture

Today's weatherbox goes out to Rastaman X, a good friend who showed us all what you get when you just say, "Fuck it," and go for your dreams.
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Attias is No Joke, Even in the April Fools’ Issue

I am a 2003 UCSB alumna and I still read the Daily Nexus on occasion because it pulled me through four long years at UCSB. I was excited to read your April Fools' Day issue and enjoy the spoof article...
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Ducks aren’t all foul, my wife’s fat

I am writing in response to Teresa Kugelstein's recent opinion article, in which she called ducks "the most hateful of all waterfowl" and "web-footed feces machines."
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Magnanaro’s Column Proves Status as Dick

Wow. I have a couple of words to say to Anthony Manganaro of San Nicholas Residence Hall: Get over it. I read the article "San Nic Dicks and Paranoid Chicks: More Rants From a Freshman" (Daily Nexus, ...
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Shake Time

On Correction days I like to point out things in the community that I feel need correcting. Isla Vista is ridiculously dry right now, and I'm not talking about lack of rain.
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Bite of the Angry Koala

We at The Koala hope this column will serve as a reminder to the Joel Galsters of the world that if you are an oblivious idiot, maybe you should consider whether 15 seconds of research and 10 seconds ...
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Troy Revisted; parties are fun

A.S. has really done it this time. The University of California's credit rating has now dropped below even the state of California's - lower than any individual UCSB student.
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Perfecting the Art of Post-Sex Pillow Talk

Anyone who has ever been around here March through June should know about the mad rush of people looking to get action on a daily basis during this time. If you haven't, you are in for a treat. Spring...
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The Thursday Corset

It has come to my attention that a significant number of my peers are fornicating premaritally. Upon discovering this, I was shocked and alarmed, and I wondered what foul design is influencing this be...
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The Artful Dodger: Leno Earns Big Bucks While Others Take It on the Chin

TV reminds me that the world is unjust. Everyday I watch the news and hear from Mr. Newsie Newsman that innocents die in terrorist attacks, that the financial chasm between the rich and the poor widen...
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San Nic Dicks and Paranoid Chicks: More Rants From a Freshman

This is something I hate more than anything else. I hate when, for example, I'm about to walk into San Nicolas Residence Hall, but before I go inside, I yell to a bunch of guys playing football on the...
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Zebras belong at the alphabet’s end

I hate Zebras. I really do. They're a sad excuse for an animal adapted to live on the harsh African plains. They're not horses.
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Gays should marry men, not me

With all this hubbub about gay marriage, I feel like voicing my opinion. I, for one, wish gays could get married, if only so they'd stop marrying me.
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Treat my fun bags with respect

As a feminist, I am offended by any slang term referring to the female breast. Kindly never print the following words in your fine publication: titties, knockers, hooters, headlights, fun bags, jugs, ...
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Sidewalk Saviors

A recent Dartmouth Medical School study found that teenagers who are religious are less likely to be depressed and more likely to be satisfied with their families and school than secular teens.
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