Opinion

March 3, 2005

You’re Not in Santa Barbara Anymore

By Adam Tartakovsky

First came the cascade of phone calls. One by one, our group of foreign students - along with the rest of the people in the bar - answered their cell phones: One by one, the bar emptied. These weren't normal Friday night...

March 3, 2005

Republicans Bask in Their Television-Constructed Reality

By Garrick Sitongia

Unlike liberals who permit themselves to have different ideas, conservatives all sound the same. That is because they are brainwashed. A recent study examined the conservative mind and found that the traits they all have...

March 3, 2005

Reap The Bacon Benefits From The Pig Slaughter

By Shawn Moura

I'm a well-intentioned Leftist intellectual with concerns about the environment. That said, the population of "wild" pigs in the Channel Islands should make good ham.

March 2, 2005

Don’t Strip Down Just Yet

By Dave Franzese

When it's time to hit our hips together, some of us young and restless ones get really hot when you don't go all the way... nude, that is. I'm not talking about leaving your top on while you fuck in the bathroom.

March 2, 2005

Lions and Tigers and Ligers, Oh My

By Staff

A "liger" - the combination of a lion and tiger - is a real thing and is, according to the director of conservation at the Minnesota Zoo, "the production of freaks by people who have freaky minds."

March 2, 2005

Disagreeing Views Belong in Universities

By Colin Whiting

When did America become a nanny state, where everyone has to feel loved by all they come in contact with? Where anyone who disagrees with us is considered 'treasonous'? I don't know.

March 1, 2005

Talk More, Type Less

By Chris Trenchard

"Hey you!" I say to the man in front of me in line. "Hey buddy!" I offer, as politely as humanly possible, to the robot I trail patiently on the bike path. "Hey slut!" I finally proclaim to the guy sitting across from me...

March 1, 2005

Whiter Shade of Lame

By Staff

Today I saw a commercial advertising a revolutionary(!) teeth-whitening product that can make your teeth

March 1, 2005

Tenured Professors Pollute Us With Liberalism

By Patrick Callahan

Tenure. Some define it as the securing of a permanent teaching position; whereas, I define it as the biggest load of feces in our education system - second only to the termination of mandatory naptime after kindergarten.

February 28, 2005

Weather for Dummies

By Staff

I discovered recently that the "... for Dummies" books are now available in VHS and DVD. Apparently, "Dummies" books are too smart for some people; they need the movie version instead.

February 28, 2005

Left-Lane Driver: Seize the Wal-Mart Empire

By Neil Visalvanich

In lieu of the Oscars, I decided it was time for me to move on from being a simple movie enthusiast to an actual moviemaker. That being the case, I did what all aspiring film writers do -- rehash old popular movie ideas ...

February 28, 2005

King of Pop Should Quit Clowning Around

By Henry Sarria

I hate drama and have no patience or desire for it. Just get to the point and move on. And so begins this circus of the Michael Jackson child molestation trial in Santa Maria. I pity the poor residents of that enclave. A...

February 28, 2005

Legendary Band Doesn’t Deserve Ignorant Smack-Talking

By Mike Skyba

In response to Dave Franzese's column "The Songs of Seduction" (Daily Nexus, Feb. 23), first off, sure, music can make or break the mood at times. But then again, a lot of times, especially if you're drunk, you are not p...

February 28, 2005

Don’t Promote Negative Body Image With Potentially Harmful Fat Talk

By Jenna Kruger

OK everyone, let's take a little journey down memory lane and venture back to our childhood years. Yeah, that's right; you remember. The days of watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, playing hot lava on the playgrou...

February 28, 2005

Stick to Printing Columns by Students From UCSB

By Tim Radsick

I read the article titled "The Death of Interaction" by Conor Boyland (Daily Nexus, Feb. 25). Great article! In fact -- and I write this in my best imitation of David Spade's "Spade in America" skit on SNL -- I really li...

February 25, 2005

A Party Is Due

By Staff

On this day in history: Lieutenant Governor Hamilton engages to deliver up to Col. Clarke, Fort Sackville as it is at present with all the stores, ammunition, & provision &c. &c...