Opinion

March 4, 2005

Turds and Tulips

By Staff

Jagged, painful turds to the police for trying to end decades of biker rule with a ticket-happy crackdown. Safe, dry tulips to the local groups and establishments that contributed aid money for tsunami victims in Southea...

March 4, 2005

Freedom Really Is Just 40 Ounces Away

By Sean Swaby

People ask me about this column pretty regularly. "Hey man, we have beer, but we don't have any 40s. Sorry, I know that's kind of your, like, forte and all." "I'll drink anything," I respond -- and drink the beer.

March 4, 2005

Bedhead Diaries: Save Romantic Getaways for a Different Season

By Meghan Palma

And so the countdown to Spring Break begins. Off to Cancun? Costa Rica? Cabo? Well, bon voyage, my travel-happy friends -- I'm jealous of you. That is, unless, you're going on said fabulous vacation with a significant ot...

March 4, 2005

Plan to Slaughter Pigs Is Anything but Kosher

By Justin Matson

After reading the article "Island Pig Eradication Spurs Wild Controversy," I thought the Nexus was playing an early April Fools' joke. How could such a ridiculous plan be taken seriously? I'll admit I don't know all the ...

March 3, 2005

Cyber Castaways

By Staff

I recently read some poll results - either that or I'm making it up - that said most Americans, if they could take one thing with them to a desert island, would bring the Internet.

March 3, 2005

Cleaning Up Your Crap

By Adam Graff

Last year, a group of A.S. Legislative Council members, myself included, and the current execs broke off from the Student Action Coalition (SAC), Student Unity Now (SUN) and the Gauchoholics. We were very upset with the ...

March 3, 2005

You’re Not in Santa Barbara Anymore

By Adam Tartakovsky

First came the cascade of phone calls. One by one, our group of foreign students - along with the rest of the people in the bar - answered their cell phones: One by one, the bar emptied. These weren't normal Friday night...

March 3, 2005

Republicans Bask in Their Television-Constructed Reality

By Garrick Sitongia

Unlike liberals who permit themselves to have different ideas, conservatives all sound the same. That is because they are brainwashed. A recent study examined the conservative mind and found that the traits they all have...

March 3, 2005

Reap The Bacon Benefits From The Pig Slaughter

By Shawn Moura

I'm a well-intentioned Leftist intellectual with concerns about the environment. That said, the population of "wild" pigs in the Channel Islands should make good ham.

March 2, 2005

Lions and Tigers and Ligers, Oh My

By Staff

A "liger" - the combination of a lion and tiger - is a real thing and is, according to the director of conservation at the Minnesota Zoo, "the production of freaks by people who have freaky minds."

March 2, 2005

Don’t Strip Down Just Yet

By Dave Franzese

When it's time to hit our hips together, some of us young and restless ones get really hot when you don't go all the way... nude, that is. I'm not talking about leaving your top on while you fuck in the bathroom.

March 2, 2005

Disagreeing Views Belong in Universities

By Colin Whiting

When did America become a nanny state, where everyone has to feel loved by all they come in contact with? Where anyone who disagrees with us is considered 'treasonous'? I don't know.

March 1, 2005

Whiter Shade of Lame

By Staff

Today I saw a commercial advertising a revolutionary(!) teeth-whitening product that can make your teeth

March 1, 2005

Talk More, Type Less

By Chris Trenchard

"Hey you!" I say to the man in front of me in line. "Hey buddy!" I offer, as politely as humanly possible, to the robot I trail patiently on the bike path. "Hey slut!" I finally proclaim to the guy sitting across from me...

March 1, 2005

Tenured Professors Pollute Us With Liberalism

By Patrick Callahan

Tenure. Some define it as the securing of a permanent teaching position; whereas, I define it as the biggest load of feces in our education system - second only to the termination of mandatory naptime after kindergarten.

February 28, 2005

Weather for Dummies

By Staff

I discovered recently that the "... for Dummies" books are now available in VHS and DVD. Apparently, "Dummies" books are too smart for some people; they need the movie version instead.