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The Honeymoon Is Over

So, Mackenzie Weinger is our new editor in chief. I've accepted that. But I'm so sick and tired of this damn honeymoon.
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The Undercover Lover

Sometimes sex is great, but conditions are not. Must star-crossed fuckers fornicators bid a tearful goodbye, promising that someday, perhaps in another lifetime, their sweating bodies will once again...
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In Africa, Hope Triumphs

The bearded man pulled down his shirt to show me the bullet's entry wound. "See, right there, that's where they shot me," he said as he pointed to a lump below his left collarbone. "But they didn't s...
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Final Thoughts on Floatopia 2

Before Michael Young, Ron Cortez, J.P. Primeau, Lt. Brian Olmstead and the entire Santa Barbara Board of Supervisors start slapping each other on the backs for their collective efforts to derail Float...
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Obama’s Health Plan Ignores Human Nature

I was recently asked what I thought to be the logic behind Obama's push for national health care, considering the superiority of our market-based system.
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Standards are for Chumps

Guys, why is it we drink Natty? Same goes for you, Keystone drinkers.
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Do Drugs Instead of Drinking

The I.V. Foot Patrol recently lead the charge to ban drinking on the beaches in Isla Vista and, through a massive dissemination of fear, convinced everyone that Floatopia would end all life as we know...
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Gays Shouldn’t Have to Say

I came to the height of my pessimism the other night during a conversation about coming out. Inspired by gay pride last week, I want to talk about my ideals on the process of coming out.
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On S&M and His Boxers

Reader! We've made it. We have arrived at a milestone day. This is the ninth installment of "Dear Igor." Pretty darn fantastic, if you ask me. To be honest, I never thought we'd make it this far. A na...
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Much Ado about Floating

Man, how crazy was Floatopia 2? No, seriously, how crazy was it? I wasn’t there. What’s that you say? Why, you weren’t either? Hmm… It’s almost as though nobody actually ...
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Prop 1A Is Just More of the Same

Proposition 1A is a Trojan horse. It promises allocations of funds for education and infrastructure upkeep in a coordinated effort to decrease the state deficit. This is unfortunately not going to hap...
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I Have the Answer

There are two main reasons that have led me to write this article. The first is the novels of Daniel Quinn, Ishmael and The Story of B, which I highly recommend all of you who find any merit in this a...
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Were Religious Text Authors Schizophrenic?

I was first introduced to the writings of Eckhart Tolle when my mom, who had read his book numerous times, explained to me how it changed her life for the better. She described how it allowed her to a...
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I’ll Be Back

(To the tune of “The Sound of Music”) The hills are alive, with the smell of ashes With some help from the heat, and the weather sunny The hills fill my lungs, with clouds of deadly smoke ...
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New Laws Can’t Stop This Party

As a wild-eyed freshman, I was blown away by my first experiences partying in Isla Vista. I’m sure that I wasn’t the only one, especially when considering the amount of barf that appeared ...
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