Jenni Perez

June 4, 2009

Gotta Go, Isla Vista…Can I Borrow Your Shirt?

By Jenni Perez

Oh, Isla Vista... you devil, you. You always blow my mind. Need a light, baby? Another pillow? Before you turn over and snore, you sex beast of a town, there's something I want to tell you.

May 27, 2009

The Future of Sex

By Jenni Perez

Come June 14, I will be part of the 25 percent of the student body awarded a framed piece of paper and firm handshake that translate to, "Get the fuck out." As this day approaches, I'm becoming increasingly terrified of...

May 21, 2009

Venus Infers Rocks Relay for Life

By Jenni Perez

Holding a crowd's attention at Relay For Life is no easy task. With the fellas distracted by the perpetual wet t-shirt fest, compliments of water balloon tosses and water "Duck, Duck, Goose" games, and the ladies going ...

May 20, 2009

My Gay Friend Wants to Tell You…

By Jenni Perez

Although the effort to kick Prop 8 to the curb was unsuccessful on the larger scale, as far as UCSB was concerned, equality prevailed. In celebration of Chuck Norris-caliber kick-assitude. I dedicate this column to some...

May 13, 2009

The Undercover Lover

By Jenni Perez

Sometimes sex is great, but conditions are not. Must star-crossed fuckers fornicators bid a tearful goodbye, promising that someday, perhaps in another lifetime, their sweating bodies will once again join in screaming d...

May 6, 2009

To Be a Virgin

By Jenni Perez

Editor’s Note: Sex columnist Jenni Perez sat down with three virgins to discuss their sex-free lives. Below is what transcribed. Their names have been changed to protect their privacy. ON MAKING THE CHOICE Adam &#8...

April 29, 2009

Got the Clap?

By Jenni Perez

Imagine contracting an STD. Imagine having to inform your recent sexual partners that they, too, might have an STD. If you are not the type to ever tell your recent partners, imagine you’re not a complete dick. Whe...

April 22, 2009

Be Sexy and Green

By Jenni Perez

Our consumer culture affects even our most basic needs. We drive to Wal-Mart and pay 2000-fold to have someone encase our tap water in a plastic bottle. We import apples from New Zealand, while fruit from our neighbors&#...

April 15, 2009

Screw Like Bunnies – Literally

By Jenni Perez

What do you do when the missionary position becomes an old piece of chewing gum? You could toss it and chomp on a new position – but really, you’ve been bent and folded in so many ways, Cirque du Soleil moved...

April 8, 2009

Selfless Acts Make for Superior Sex

By Jenni Perez

Spring Break rocked my world. Sure, it was chaste, due to the fact that my man’s penis opted to head south of the border rather than south of my panty line, and sure, I was bitter knowing that my grandma’s mi...

March 4, 2009

Survive Your Sexual Drought

By Jenni Perez

It’s almost that time of year, Gauchos. The clouds part, the cerulean sky smiles and shirtless skateboarders run down campus pedestrians with a little extra rigor in their roll. Springtime is near! So, why all the ...

February 25, 2009

Hitting Her Magic Number

By Jenni Perez

Each sexual conquest – in a strange bed, familiar bed, truck bed or beyond – is dominated by a number. No, I’m not talking about age. I’m not talking about money. I’m not talking about your ...

February 18, 2009

Drink It Up or Spit It Out: The Fellator’s Dilemma

By Jenni Perez

“Swallow it down, what a jagged little pill… it feels so good, swimming in your stomach.” Back in 1995, when twirling my sundress to the Weekly Top 40 was the meaning of my 8-year-old life, I unsuspecti...

February 11, 2009

This V-Day, Try a Three-Way

By Jenni Perez

Remember those shoebox mailboxes you made for Valentine’s Day in elementary school? Remember how you would stay up past 8 o’clock the night before, sorting boxes of candy hearts for each cutie in your classro...

February 4, 2009

In Bed, the Bad Ones Win

By Jenni Perez

More often than I should, I’ll appease the hormonal monster rumbling inside me and watch re-runs of Sex and the City. While most of the time it’s just fun to bask in its girly triteness (Prada bags and gay B....

January 28, 2009

Fake Orgasms Facilitate No Fun

By Jenni Perez

The other day, I cuddled up to my favorite naked bed buddy and tapped into the Web’s fine array of pornographic cinema. We were curious about the jaw-dropper that everyone’s been buzzing about. Sasha Grey is ...