Gotta Go, Isla Vista…Can I Borrow Your Shirt?

June 4, 2009 by

Oh, Isla Vista... you devil, you. You always blow my mind. Need a light, baby? Another pillow? Before you turn over and snore, you sex beast of a town, there's something I want to tell you.
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The Future of Sex

May 27, 2009 by

Come June 14, I will be part of the 25 percent of the student body awarded a framed piece of paper and firm handshake that translate to, "Get the fuck out." As this day approaches, I'm becoming incre...
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Venus Infers Rocks Relay for Life

May 21, 2009 by

Holding a crowd's attention at Relay For Life is no easy task. With the fellas distracted by the perpetual wet t-shirt fest, compliments of water balloon tosses and water "Duck, Duck, Goose" games, a...
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My Gay Friend Wants to Tell You…

May 20, 2009 by

Although the effort to kick Prop 8 to the curb was unsuccessful on the larger scale, as far as UCSB was concerned, equality prevailed. In celebration of Chuck Norris-caliber kick-assitude. I dedicate...
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The Undercover Lover

May 13, 2009 by

Sometimes sex is great, but conditions are not. Must star-crossed fuckers fornicators bid a tearful goodbye, promising that someday, perhaps in another lifetime, their sweating bodies will once again...
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To Be a Virgin

May 6, 2009 by

Editor’s Note: Sex columnist Jenni Perez sat down with three virgins to discuss their sex-free lives. Below is what transcribed. Their names have been changed to protect their privacy. ON MAKING...
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Got the Clap?

April 29, 2009 by

Imagine contracting an STD. Imagine having to inform your recent sexual partners that they, too, might have an STD. If you are not the type to ever tell your recent partners, imagine you’re not ...
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Be Sexy and Green

April 22, 2009 by

Our consumer culture affects even our most basic needs. We drive to Wal-Mart and pay 2000-fold to have someone encase our tap water in a plastic bottle. We import apples from New Zealand, while fruit ...
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Screw Like Bunnies – Literally

April 15, 2009 by

What do you do when the missionary position becomes an old piece of chewing gum? You could toss it and chomp on a new position – but really, you’ve been bent and folded in so many ways, Ci...
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Selfless Acts Make for Superior Sex

April 8, 2009 by

Spring Break rocked my world. Sure, it was chaste, due to the fact that my man’s penis opted to head south of the border rather than south of my panty line, and sure, I was bitter knowing that m...
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Survive Your Sexual Drought

March 4, 2009 by

It’s almost that time of year, Gauchos. The clouds part, the cerulean sky smiles and shirtless skateboarders run down campus pedestrians with a little extra rigor in their roll. Springtime is ne...
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Hitting Her Magic Number

February 25, 2009 by

Each sexual conquest – in a strange bed, familiar bed, truck bed or beyond – is dominated by a number. No, I’m not talking about age. I’m not talking about money. I’m not...
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Drink It Up or Spit It Out: The Fellator’s Dilemma

February 18, 2009 by

“Swallow it down, what a jagged little pill… it feels so good, swimming in your stomach.” Back in 1995, when twirling my sundress to the Weekly Top 40 was the meaning of my 8-year-ol...
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This V-Day, Try a Three-Way

February 11, 2009 by

Remember those shoebox mailboxes you made for Valentine’s Day in elementary school? Remember how you would stay up past 8 o’clock the night before, sorting boxes of candy hearts for each c...
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In Bed, the Bad Ones Win

February 4, 2009 by

More often than I should, I’ll appease the hormonal monster rumbling inside me and watch re-runs of Sex and the City. While most of the time it’s just fun to bask in its girly triteness (P...
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