What do you do when the missionary position becomes an old piece of chewing gum? You could toss it and chomp on a new position – but really, you’ve been bent and folded in so many ways, Cirque du Soleil moved its performance venue to your bedroom. You could do as I do, and shove a couple more pieces into your mouth – but, sigh, the ménage a trois is so February. May I suggest a new flavor?

If you’re already tired of the ol’ BDSM, toe-sucking, school girl, plumber, car crash and Liza Minnelli fixations, you can try these lesser-knowns on for size. You may have never heard of them, but their subscribers may very well be in your own backyard, pawing at your door.

When it comes to sex subcultures, it’s a jungle out there. And for the diverse array of chirps and growls, you have the animal-fetishists to thank. These folks find their sexual delight in dressing up as their favorite fauna and fucking other furries. Often called “yiffies,” these fetishists are linked to the Furry Fandom (the community of people interested in the art of anthropomorphic animal characters, not the Robin Williams fan club), but be careful – only a minority of fur-fiends find it sexual. So if you wander onto the Winnie the Pooh ride at Disneyland, you might want to keep your trousers on.

There are times in the bedroom when your own love parts ain’t doin’ it for you. Hell, sometimes your own skin, hair, teeth and eyes aren’t good enough either. For those times, there’s FemSkin. Squeeze into this anatomically correct silicone bodysuit and BAM, you’ve got the female body of your dreams. The FemSkin suit bears the likeness of a skinned sex doll – excuse me, a you-filled sex doll – and can be clothed and accessorized and modeled on YouTube to your heart’s content. Although it may seem a little lotion-in-the-basket, the FemSkin suit is a viable option for transgendered individuals on a budget. This marvel of modern sex technology is doable in clothes and out, and an absolute tribute to the beauty and intricacy of the female form.

Sure, as a kid you loved “Transformers.” But if you loved “Transformers,” robots might be your fetish. And really, what’s not to love? According to Jude Law in “Artificial Intelligence: AI”: “You won’t get us pregnant or have us to supper with Mommy and Daddy. We work under you, we work on you, and we work for you.” A robot that looks like Jude Law? On me? Yes, with a side of please.

Divided into two categorical preferences of humanoid and non-humanoid, in analog terms, the fetishist can be attracted to robots endowed with person-like qualities (“Austin Powers” fembots) or non-person-like qualities (R2-D2). Many participants find that a little robot role-play really flips their switchbox. Among the most popular games are the “built” fantasy, in which the role-player is a bot built solely to fulfill the wishes of its owner à la “Stepford Wives,” and the “transformation” fantasy, in which the participant is willingly or unwillingly turned into an android. Function = fuck me.

Every holiday season, back in my hometown, my next-door neighbors are victims of a rather unusual trespass. They walk out their front door to fetch the morning paper, bleary-eyed and groggy, only to find that their decorative inflatable reindeer are placed in a rather compromised position – making sweet love in the dewy grasses. Funny as it always is, I realize now that the trespassers could be more than a couple of 14-year-olds making good on a dare; they could be seeking an outlet for a healthy case of inflatophilia.

Defined by a sexual attraction to inflatable objects – balloons, pool toys, etc. – self-named inflatophiles find joy in the fellowship of their interest, blogging and photo-documenting their latest adventures with their floating friends – where they’ve taken them, or who’s caught them in the middle of a blowing. A Web site entitled Inflatopedia allows members to list their favorite toys, giving other members the opportunity to indicate if they have it or want it. My personal favorite is the kids pool toy, Ride-On Dolphin – the name really cuts to the chase.

Ah, the kink world. It’s about curiosity, it’s about edge, and most importantly, it’s about tolerance. If I respect your need to finger a furry, than you can respect my need to gangbang my Teletubby collection.