Turds:

Rash, unjust turds to the supervisors for banning alcohol on I.V. beach. Floatopia was unexpectedly large this year, but we’re still adults and hitting us with punitive measures like this shows a major lack of respect for all the good we do in this community.

Crazy, unpredictable turds to the weather this quarter. You’re playing us hot and cold, overcast and windy, and …

Destitute, empty-pocketed turds to the UC regents for raising tuition by 9.3 percent for the 2009-10 school year. If I’m gonna pay all that money, I better be able to get a job when I graduate. Oh wait…

Scorched, life-shattering turds to the Jesusita Fire for burning 80 homes and displacing thousands. It wasn’t cool when the Gap and Tea fires did it, and copycats are just lame.

Tulips:

Fat, green tulips to the student body for voting to approve the Nexus lock-in fee. We couldn’t do it without you, baby-doll.

Tentative, hopeful tulips to the Santa Barbara County Board of Supervisors for delaying passage of the social host ordinance to address I.V.-specific issues. Although, if it passed, my house would be a 24/7 party zone…

Grateful, relieved tulips to the firefighters who worked their butts off to put out yet another fire. The only thing hotter than the flames is you, guys!

Joyful, long-delayed tulips to Pardall Road for finally being done with that infernal construction. And your new palm trees are cute, too. Why don’t you tell El Colegio to jump on board?