Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

New Year Part II: Chinese New Year offers resolution do-over

Chinese New Year fell on Tuesday, Feb. 17 and offered people around the world the chance to start the year anew. In the face of failed resolutions only two months into 2026, many people have jumped at...
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Thank God! Fatties silenced

After years of promoting realistic body standards, combating toxic diet culture and planting like three size-six women in Hollywood, the world order has finally been returned: early 2000s-style skinny...
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How to break up with your low-commitment, exclusive, no-labels situationship with benefits

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and with it often comes the realization that maybe you could be treating yourself better. Taken too many walks of shame recently? Maybe it’s time to ditch that ...
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C.A.P.S. opens sports betting division, overwhelmed after Super Bowl

UC Santa Barbara Counseling and Psychological Services (C.A.P.S.) opened the door to their newest service: support for failed sports gamblers on Feb. 9. C.A.P.S. counselors expect these services to be...
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Frat Looksmaxxer mistakes peptides for HRT

Each new year brings with it new health and fitness trends that begin to dominate every frat house, football field and Friday function. Whether it’s downing Joe Rogan brand protein powder or shoving...
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New I.V. film festival announced: “SPLIFF”

Beginning on Feb. 4, the Santa Barbara International Film Festival (SBIFF) will overtake State Street for 11 days. Since 1986, the festival features independent and international films, hosting award-...
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UCSB Students Start Temperance Movement, Only Drink on Weekends

Waves are being made today in Isla Vista, California as some of UC Santa Barbara’s most debaucherous delinquents have publicly announced their decision to restrict their alcohol consumption to the w...
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New UCSB Foodie Club titled “GLP-None”

The rise in usage of Ozempic and other GLP-1 medications to curb appetite and lose weight has led to an unprecedented decrease in meals consumed across not only the elites, but in the greater food-eat...
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Old Boys Club Prevails: Court Judge revealed to be University of Pennsylvania Alumni

After nearly a year of deliberations and attempts at indicting Luigi Mangione, a recent hearing in the New York State Court saw Judge Tucker Johnson dismiss two charges, one including a charge of capi...
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I.C.E. sees Instagram story, stops violence

After a year of escalated Immigrations and Customs Enforcement activity under the second Trump administration, including what critics call violent and undemocratic enforcement tactics Immigrations and...
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Midterms renamed to avoid triggering students

In response to growing numbers of students panicking at the mention of m*dterm ex*ms, members of the “Don’t Say It” club on UC Santa Barbara’s campus are trying to make a change.
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Cal Poly SLO, SDSU, high school students mourn Deltopia

Last week, the Santa Barbara County Board of Supervisors voted to implement a 72-hour noise ordinance in Isla Vista on the weekend of April 4. This put an end to Del Playa Drive’s annual block party...
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Top 10 ways to ace that interview

Internship recruiting and the summer job search are in full swing, and you might be wondering how to make the job yours. Never fear, the ultimate guide to interviewing is here at the tip of your fing...
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Trump purchases Solvang

The nation has been rocked by the news of President Donald Trump’s recent territorial acquisition, which the administration claims is part of his latest bid to increase the national security of the ...
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Ask Stench: Answering your burning questions

On our Instagram (8.2M followers, btw) we asked you if you needed any advice. As a California state-licensed therapist, bikini model and former U.S. President, who better to answer than I?
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