Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Post-midterm clarity: The real degree was the friends we made along the way

May 8, 2025 by

After failing my midterms, I have reached a moment of enlightenment: The real degree was the friends we made along the way. 
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Depressing! Sophomore mourns meal swipes after trying to cook

May 8, 2025 by

As a freshman, leaving De La Guerra (DLG) for the first time felt like surviving the apocalypse. Free of the active laxatives they lace their food with, now second-year Jenna Ortega remembered returni...
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Top 5 recession indicators on campus

May 1, 2025 by

Have you heard of the “R word?” Well, despite your initial reaction, most news outlets are too scared to write out “recession” (not the other one). But here at Nexustentialism, we aren’t afr...
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A.S. candidates compete in “Ugliest Campaign Sign” contest

May 1, 2025 by

With the Associated Students elections on the horizon, candidates are taking part in the annual tradition of setting up campaign signs on campus. While the main goal of these signs is to gain supporte...
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Family tours celebrate 4/20 with students

April 24, 2025 by

After the University of California system released admission decisions in the early weeks of March, campus tours have substantially increased as prospective students begin to decide which university t...
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“Weed might be bad for you”? MAHA fearmongering goes too far

April 24, 2025 by

Vaccines cause autism? Seed oils are bad for you? Raw milk is healthy? Make America Healthy Again (MAHA), Robert Kennedy Jr.’s campaign against scientifically proven American health standards, has s...
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Bingo! Your next professor may be a lottery hire

April 17, 2025 by

University of California, Santa Barbara? More like California Lottery, Santa Barbara. Following the introduction of a lottery selection process for its Honors Program, Resident Advisor hires, on-campu...
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Ewww! Man not hot without the stache

April 17, 2025 by

I have just had the worst day of my life. My crush has been crushed.
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UCSB Cancels Congress Class as Branch Deemed ‘Irrelevant’

April 17, 2025 by

Political Science 155L, UCSB’s long-standing congressional simulation course, was not offered this year for the first time since 2010. The course pits students against each other as members of Congr...
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D.P. collapses, annual block party renamed “Sabatopia”

April 10, 2025 by

After 2025’s Deltopia, UCSB’s annual celebration of the beginning of spring quarter, the iconic Del Playa Drive crumbled completely to the ocean. Organizers already anticipate the block party for ...
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Flash mob proposal on Del Playa shocks Deltopia bride

April 10, 2025 by

For many Gauchos, Deltopia, UC Santa Barbara’s biggest dayge, is the height of the coupling season. Out in the sunlight, all is laid bare for God and Yang to see, leading to many tender moments thro...
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Students pollute streets in preparation for Deltopia

March 27, 2025 by

In preparation for Isla Vista’s annual block party, Deltopia, UCSB students have begun littering Del Playa Drive in order to give visitors an authentic taste of Gaucho life. Students have been spott...
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Welcome to the library: the quiet floor was made for other people

March 6, 2025 by

It is common knowledge that the top three floors of UC Santa Barbara’s Library, numbering floors six through eight, are the quiet floors, where speaking or making any sort of noise above slightly ag...
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Radical! Surfer gets hit by cyclist while shredding waves

February 27, 2025 by

Not even the ocean can keep you safe from getting slammed with the tire of death, as seen yesterday at Campus Point, when a surfboarder looked up from attempting to ride the tube on 4-foot waves and w...
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Deltopia in review

February 27, 2025 by

Another great Deltopia weekend has come and gone in the sunny streets of Isla Vista. Students poured out this past weekend for the event, bikini-clad for their treks across Del Playa. As early as 4:20...
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