Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Deltopia in review

February 27, 2025 by

Another great Deltopia weekend has come and gone in the sunny streets of Isla Vista. Students poured out this past weekend for the event, bikini-clad for their treks across Del Playa. As early as 4:20...
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‘Deltopia’ movie named last-minute Best Picture nomination at 97th Academy Awards

February 27, 2025 by

“Deltopia” was recently added as a Best Picture nominee at the upcoming Academy Awards ceremony, following public pressure to recognize what The Hollywouldn’t Reporter deemed as “the best film...
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Ally! White man is NOT celebrating Presidents’ Day

February 20, 2025 by

Presidents Day weekend is a sight for sore college student eyes. Coming swiftly after midterms, the three-day weekend was the perfect break for UC Santa Barbara students to relax, taking in all that I...
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Hercules’s 12th task: senior finally takes Greek Myth

February 20, 2025 by

Rounding out the final session of pass times, many fourth-years found themselves, for once, at ease. Finally, the first group to get their greedy little hands on classes, mostly everyone was satisfied...
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Seven things girls should buy their guys on Valentine’s Day

February 13, 2025 by

Every year when Valentine's day finally arrives, the question flooding girl group chats is “What should I get my boyfriend for Valentine’s Day?” It's a challenge to find the perfect gift for a m...
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The power of love: he came for my identity, he left with my heart

February 13, 2025 by

Love entered my life when I received that text from that unknown number. “Hey Chris, it’s Jared. Just got a new number.” I giggled. Silly Jared, I’m not Chris. I replied to the message, tellin...
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Campbell Hall Plague spreads

February 6, 2025 by

Hot take: college is like preschool. College students must painfully relearn how to make friends and share their things. And, college students’ immune systems seem to have a major regression, becomi...
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Drake buys ticket to Super Bowl to see Kendrick Lamar

February 6, 2025 by

Drake has announced that he has purchased a ticket to the Super Bowl to see Kendrick Lamar perform during the Super Bowl LIX halftime show, despite his tour having a show scheduled for that same day i...
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What happened to twerking?

February 6, 2025 by

In 2016, I felt like I couldn’t even walk through my neighborhood without seeing someone shaking ass. Online. On the wall. On the ground. Upside down. Inside out. Everyone was throwing it back. Now,...
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Frat guys threatened by I.V. robot’s sexuality

January 30, 2025 by

With the arrival of Isla Vista's hottest new eligible bachelor, Boba Bot, UC Santa Barbara fraternities are turning to cyberphobia. While fraternities are recognized to be safe and accepting havens fo...
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CALPIRG goes nuclear, thanks Trump

January 30, 2025 by

Recent studies have shown that students at UC Santa Barbara are stopped by California Public Interest Research Group (CALPIRG) members about 50 times per week. As of late, the tag teaming efforts of t...
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Straight man nods head at back of band show, shocked no women approach him

January 30, 2025 by

It was 11:38 p.m. at the ‘Snot Fuckers’ bandshow in the backyard of a house on 69 Del Playa Drive. A diverse crowd of music enjoyers had gathered: girls seeking a break from the Bikinis and Benadr...
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Size does matter: Instagram feed update fucking sucks

January 23, 2025 by

Are you trying to ruin my life, Meta?
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UCSB unveils new 10-year academic plan

January 23, 2025 by

After wasting their first quarter at UC Santa Barbara taking Online Walking, many students are realizing that major requirement classes are hard to come by. To combat this widespread problem and the o...
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Local man “not ready to commit” to group project

January 16, 2025 by

In a groundbreaking display of emotional vulnerability, third-year political science major Andrew Logan announced over the weekend that he is “not ready for the commitment” required by his POL S 1...
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