Juliet Becker / Daily Nexus

Never reliable. Lies about location. Always late. Never there for you when you need it. Always seen with other people.

Sound familiar? If you thought I was describing the Santa Barbara Metropolitan Transit District (MTD), you thought correctly. Have you ever been invited by your situationship to a party, only to find them there making out with someone else? It feels pretty damn similar to when the 27 claims that it will pick you up at 3:32 p.m., but drives right by.

What’s worse than relying on a man for a shoulder to cry on, only for him to shrug off your feelings? When you’ve been happy-hour-hopping downtown, wasted at the goddamn transit center and the 24X decides not to come that day.

Every once in a while, like men, you have to rely on the second best bus option to get you where you need to go. But seeing your first choice drive by is like seeing your #1 boyfriend while entangled with your lesser favorite. So embarrassing!

The thing about the MTD is: when it’s bad, it’s so bad. Stranded downtown. Waiting indefinitely in the middle of Noleta with your groceries. Late to the bars because the bus left without you.

But, when it’s good, it’s so good. A true romance like none other. When the bus comes reliably, on time and in good condition, it can make your whole week. 

I don’t know if I can handle the toxicity much longer. It’s not me, it’s you.

Joseph R. Biden needs a fucking car.