Timely Warning: Protect Our Raccoons

April 25, 2018 by

Warning: This article may contain material that some readers may find triggering, alarming or upsetting.
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If Tour Guides Told the Truth

May 31, 2017 by

Thinking back to the 27 college tours your mother made you go on, do you really think all of those tour guides told you the truth about their schools?
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Fledgling Beach Cruiser Gang Terrorizes Campus

April 27, 2017 by

Recent police reports suggest that a new biker gang, known formally as The Bitchin’ Beach Crewsuirs, has started to infiltrate the various bike racks of UCSB’s campus.
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Beach Cruiser Biker Gangs Strike Terror in the Hearts of UCSB Students

April 21, 2017 by

Recent reports show a new biker gang, formally known as The Bitchin’ Beach Crewsers, has infiltrated our beloved UCSB campus.
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How to Avoid Fuckbois and General Disappointment this Spring Break

March 30, 2017 by

For the less fortunate among us, Spring Break means a week of White Russians in the morning and desperate fuckboys who want nudes.
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7 Ways to Turn Your Backyard into Cabo

March 28, 2017 by

Don’t want to cry profusely out of jealousy while avoiding your neighbor’s attempts to recruit you into his meth lab? Then follow these seven easy steps to create Cabo in your backyard!
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Spending for All Arts Programs Cut by the UC System

March 2, 2017 by

This decision cuts UC spending for all arts programs and is effective immediately.
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Spirit of Andrew Jackson visits President Trump with New Domestic Policy Proposals

February 21, 2017 by

A recent tweet released by President Trump made mention of a “huge historical inspiration” from a good friend he “would’ve done business with.”
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