Once upon a time, there was a man who wanted to keep his relationship with a girl casual. Let’s call him a “noncommittal dating partner.” Understandably, however, he was often mistaken for a boy...
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Four long years ago, I was a senior in college. I don’t remember much about that year (but that’s the subject of another column entirely—perhaps Memoirs of an Old Town Tavern Addict or Long Isla...
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But whatever your particular reason for feeling miserable as graduation approaches, I think we can all agree that one part of life is going to decline - if not in quality, then at least in quantity - ...
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Everybody knows that sex in public is better than sex in private. Your hearts are racing even faster than usual as you try to finish before you get caught... but usually, you don't get caught. I did.
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Have you ever struggled to figure out the most polite way to reject the offer of a threesome?
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If you thought the VCR was a relic of the past, I've got news for you. Not only does the VCR provide you with hours of cheap entertainment, but once you turn it on, it can get you off.
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My friends and I were sitting around the kitchen table Sunday morning, doing the standard weekend postmortem, when one of the girls said something that made us all stop short.
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Thursday, 9:23 a.m. - Fuuuuck. If the throbbing head and dry mouth is any indication, it feels like I probably went to OTT last night. Singing karaoke to "Benny and the Jets" must not have been a bad ...
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I've been giving some thought to career choices, and I've come to a conclusion: Being a professor at UCSB would be the worst job in the world.
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In every Isla Vista household, there's that one perpetually single person - you know the one I'm talking about. They have no qualms about hooking up with people, they're as attractive as the next pers...
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I have never had sex on Spring Break. That confession isn't meant to negate my credibility - in fact, it's supposed to do just the opposite.
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Since I have been old enough to touch penises, two people have told me I give a good hand job. One was my best friend, who is a female and therefore has no idea what constitutes a satisfactory hand jo...
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I don’t like blackjack. I’ve never played craps in my life. I’m not a fan of Celine Dion, Barry Manilow or any other semiretired headliner at Caesars Palace. However, there is one re...
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I've never been in a long-distance relationship, but from what I've observed, it seems like cross-country coupledom is the way to go - especially in the technologically advanced and emotionally indepe...
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Choked by their cap tassel during a graduation photoshoot
Accidentally daps the Chancellor up as they receive their diploma
Decided to skip commencement to go day drink on Del Playa
Ugly crying so hard they drown out "Pomp and Circumstance"
Posing on stage like there's a model scout in the audience (there was)
Can't make it up the steps due to the sheer amount of cords, stoles, and leis
Couldn't decide on a grad dress so they showed up in pajamas under their gown
Showed up to commencement high and suffering from horrendous munchies
Somehow juggling the 15 ceremonies required for their triple major
Graduated with a 5 year plan, chronic anxiety, and a great internship
Reading Kafka in the audience in hopes of an honorary English degree
had their graduation photos taken in the lagoon to be different
