Dana Olsen

August 1, 2012

Lessons From The Bachelor and the Older, Sexless Buddy

By Dana Olsen

Once upon a time, there was a man who wanted to keep his relationship with a girl casual. Let’s call him a “noncommittal dating partner.” Understandably, however, he was often mistaken for a boyfriend by innocent b...

September 28, 2011

The “Real World” Really Does Suck (And Not in That Way)

By Dana Olsen

Four long years ago, I was a senior in college. I don’t remember much about that year (but that’s the subject of another column entirely—perhaps Memoirs of an Old Town Tavern Addict or Long Island Iced Tea For Dumm...

May 28, 2008

Orgasm During the Climax of Life

By Dana Olsen

But whatever your particular reason for feeling miserable as graduation approaches, I think we can all agree that one part of life is going to decline - if not in quality, then at least in quantity - once we walk across ...

May 21, 2008

Sexy Peep Shows Please Onlookers

By Dana Olsen

Everybody knows that sex in public is better than sex in private. Your hearts are racing even faster than usual as you try to finish before you get caught... but usually, you don't get caught. I did.

May 14, 2008

Mind Your P’s and Vagee’s With Sexual Etiquette Rules

By Dana Olsen

Have you ever struggled to figure out the most polite way to reject the offer of a threesome?

May 7, 2008

Toy Provides Some Good Vibrations

By Dana Olsen

If you thought the VCR was a relic of the past, I've got news for you. Not only does the VCR provide you with hours of cheap entertainment, but once you turn it on, it can get you off.

April 30, 2008

‘Defining Moments’ Add Zest to Sex

By Dana Olsen

My friends and I were sitting around the kitchen table Sunday morning, doing the standard weekend postmortem, when one of the girls said something that made us all stop short.

April 23, 2008

Chicks and Dicks Cavort Downtown

By Dana Olsen

Thursday, 9:23 a.m. - Fuuuuck. If the throbbing head and dry mouth is any indication, it feels like I probably went to OTT last night. Singing karaoke to "Benny and the Jets" must not have been a bad dream after all.

April 16, 2008

UCSB Hotties Test Teachers’ Testes

By Dana Olsen

I've been giving some thought to career choices, and I've come to a conclusion: Being a professor at UCSB would be the worst job in the world.

April 9, 2008

Out-of-Towners Exploit Sexy Campus Rep

By Dana Olsen

In every Isla Vista household, there's that one perpetually single person - you know the one I'm talking about. They have no qualms about hooking up with people, they're as attractive as the next person and they're asked...

April 2, 2008

Spring Break Embraces Lewd Nudes

By Dana Olsen

I have never had sex on Spring Break. That confession isn't meant to negate my credibility - in fact, it's supposed to do just the opposite.

March 5, 2008

Bobs With Knobs Avoid Hand Jobs

By Dana Olsen

Since I have been old enough to touch penises, two people have told me I give a good hand job. One was my best friend, who is a female and therefore has no idea what constitutes a satisfactory hand job. She was just tryi...

January 23, 2008

Break All the Rules in City of Sin

By Dana Olsen

I don’t like blackjack. I’ve never played craps in my life. I’m not a fan of Celine Dion, Barry Manilow or any other semiretired headliner at Caesars Palace. However, there is one reason why I enjoy a t...

January 16, 2008

Skype Sex Will Turn Software Hard

By Dana Olsen

I've never been in a long-distance relationship, but from what I've observed, it seems like cross-country coupledom is the way to go - especially in the technologically advanced and emotionally independent era we live in...

January 9, 2008

Barren Breaks Yield Little for Lusty Lass

By Dana Olsen

Nothing good can come out of Christmas break.

December 3, 2007

Mourners Meet in I.V. to Honor Friend With Ink

By Dana Olsen, Evan Wagstaff

Honoring Ryan Moore, a Santa Ynez native who died in Lake Tahoe on Wednesday, 11 of his close friends gathered in Isla Vista on Friday to receive memorial tattoos.