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A Matter of Time

February 18, 2003 by

People have various ways of stopping to evaluate their lives. Some folks find it useful to consider their financial security, their relationships or their work.
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I’ll love you forever

February 14, 2003 by

Alright, I'll make it simple: The problem with Valentine's Day at this university is that most people's idea of a long-term relationship is tantric sex.
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A Toot ‘ll Do

February 13, 2003 by

People take themselves too seriously nowadays. With a looming war, the economy what it is and the gloomy weather, we've seemed to have lost our sense of humor. My solution: People should fart more.
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You Dare Insult Me Almonds?

February 12, 2003 by

It's these cold winter days that make me wish I had an elephant to ride to class. I would name it Gšr Thundertrunk, and together we would trample our foes beneath us.
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Cupid Was a Capitalist

February 11, 2003 by

It's Valentine's week. If you're bitter about the whole thing, you can at least delight in the sheer economics of the whole thing.
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Week 6: Introduction to Apathy

February 10, 2003 by

Chances are you spent the weekend studying for midterms. If you didn't, you had more fun than me. Monday's forecast: Remember, you don't need to know how to do it, as long as you know how to criticize...
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The Lockup

February 7, 2003 by

Locking up your bike by Kerr Hall is a bit like signing up to be on American Gladiators. In order to retrieve your bicycle after class, you must first make your way through a solid wall of steel spok...
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Man vs. Machine: Who Will Win?

February 6, 2003 by

It's registration time again and I would like to take a moment of silence to mourn the passing of registration by telephone. RBT gave you something to hate. There was a person on the other end of the ...
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Congratulations, I’m Sorry

February 5, 2003 by

To give credit where credit is due, I'd like to thank the A.S. Program Board for showing "Bowling for Columbine" last night. Ironically the struggle for tickets was nearly enough to make one resort to...
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Tiny Boxes Make Me Happy

February 4, 2003 by

If you tried to do Monday's crossword, the answer to 13 down was "REFIT." Twenty-five across was "REPENT." Of course, you would need an extra box to spell either of them.
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Achoo!

February 3, 2003 by

I hate dust. Living in Isla Vista is like setting up a shanty insida a vacuum bag. I leave my stuff out for a week and when I retrieve it I feel like an Indiana Jones raching for a spider-covered idol...
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Write Good

January 31, 2003 by

After careful research, I have determined that there are only three kinds of midterms. In keeping with UCSB's fine tradition of simplifying issues until an acronym can be found, I have listed them
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Coin-Op Hell

January 29, 2003 by

The decline of Western civilization is an agonizingly slow process peppered with occasional indicators like inflation, reduced funding for the arts, limitations to individual freedoms, "Elimidate," th...
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Should I Stay or Should I Go?

January 29, 2003 by

Unless the concept of "more bang for your buck" directly relates to a massive spontaneous failure of the kidneys, two and a half hours is just too long.
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All in the Family

January 28, 2003 by

Against all probability, my anthro professor said something interesting today:"You are the product of an evolutionary line of organisms that, over the course of three and a half billion years, has nev...
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