Weather

February 4, 2004

Super Stupor, Floppy Hooter

By system

How about Janet Jackson's righty? That thing was corny looking. It looked like one of those fake feet that people have hanging out of their car trunk.

February 3, 2004

Our Mamas Didn’t Want Us

By system

Yeah, I flaked and passed out before I filled yesterday's box. But, hey, everyone makes mistakes - this office is full of them. Thanks to the 'neanderthal for filling yesterday's space and the morons on our staff for fil...

February 2, 2004

Slope-browed Interlude

By system

Dear readers, the Weatherhuman was not to be found on Superbowl Sunday, most likely because the human was not answering the phone at the Fortress of Inebriation.

January 30, 2004

Houston… Hellhole! Hut! Hike!

By system

The only forecasting that matters now is the Super Bowl kind.

January 28, 2004

Get Off His Ass

By system

The 3rd district election is getting ugly as the opposition is trying to sully John Buttny's name. And I don't mean by calling him Assny.

January 28, 2004

Testing, 1, 2, 5

By system

Carpinteria High School just became the first school in the county to test students for drugs. Each week a computer will pick five students from a list of the kids participating in sports or cheerleading.

January 27, 2004

Regulation Aggravation

By system

After we finished a game of pool at the UCen yesterday, my colleague pulled a cigarette out of his case, presumably to help him calm down after the savage trouncing he received on the felt. We grabbed our beers and head...

January 26, 2004

Tap Cola

By system

It was on this date in 1945 that a city in Michigan became the first to put fluoride in its tap water. I mention it because the 'human drinks tap water like it was, uh, water, and I like to brag about how much stronger i...

January 23, 2004

Full Moon Fleecing

By The Weatherhuman

I ran into the Wolf at the store yesterday. I was on my guard, as I always am when around him.

January 22, 2004

Stay Hot in the Cold

By system

What has fuzzy feet and bare legs and looks funny riding a bike? The UCSB females who have embraced the Ugg boot and miniskirt look.

January 21, 2004

Never Mind Integrity, Here’s Some Cash

By The Weatherhuman

Former Sex Pistols frontman Johnny Rotten has agreed to appear in the British version of "I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!"

January 20, 2004

Daily Nexus Corrections

By system

In the January 16 article, "High-Tech DNA," several facts regarding DNA were misstated. A DNA molecule consists of two long chains of nucleotides, not amino acids. Also, adenine pairs with thymine, and guanine pairs with...

January 20, 2004

Correction: It’s Tuesday

By system

Nothing for you today. I tried fitting a joke in this "space," but found it impossible. I hate corrections.

January 16, 2004

Double Bastard

By system

Birthday time again. You know how the 'human feels about birthdays. Only this time, it's all doubled - the joy, the madness, the fear and hating - all doubled.

January 15, 2004

Running on Rocket Fuel

By system

So now Bush is all jazzed about landing us on Mars. Will someone please tell him that's not where the candy bars come from?

January 14, 2004

Propaganja

By The Weatherhuman

From the Stranger Than Fiction file: I was perusing the rack of informative pamphlets at Student Health. Got to skip over the STD rack - the only benefit of genderless 'humanism.