Carpinteria High School just became the first school in the county to test students for drugs. Each week a computer will pick five students from a list of the kids participating in sports or cheerleading. Then they’ll test them for marijuana, amphetamines, meth, cocaine and opiates.

Good call. While they’re at it they should check the chess club for steroids and the debate team for Ephedra.

Thursday’s forecast: The kids puffing herb or fucking with meth have never seen the football team or the cheerleaders. Believe me – my high school team was 3-time county champs and my buddies and me never made it out of the parking lot.