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They Burn Leeches, Right?

October 25, 2001 by

The weatherroommates and I are in mourning today
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When the S.M.U.R.F.s Fight UCSB, Bet on Asphalt

October 25, 2001 by

In a development that should surprise no one, UCSB's administrators, professors and staffers can't agree where to park it or how to pay for it.
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You Wouldn’t Hit a Guy With Crutches, Right?

October 25, 2001 by

"Man you've got glasses I don't wanna hurt you," he stutters, adding "I'm Hawaiian, you don't wanna mess with me."
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What are the Chances?

October 24, 2001 by

Whenever midterms are pinning me down, I try to get some perspective. It could be worse. Atrsweek editor Eric James, for example, just got her wallet stolen in Hollywood by a 7-foot tall drag queen cr...
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A.S. It Is: Building on Home Plate

October 24, 2001 by

This project would provide 972 beds for single graduate students over a 312,610-square foot area, on what is currently Storke Field.
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We Can (and Should) Dance if We Want To

October 24, 2001 by

Since I'm a tall, lanky fucker, I keep my booty-shakin' subtle. Tall, lanky people look like morons when they flap their limbs around the dance floor.
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Bitter Critics Need to Taste Sweet I.V. Life

October 24, 2001 by

While I have never met Alice, I'm convinced that she is a bitter, cynical person who believes that she is better than everyone else.
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Hey, Freshman: Stop Your Bitching and Get a New Bike

October 24, 2001 by

I'm sure you'll get better adjusted to campus life and maybe even parties. You may eventually start going to 8 a.m. classes in your pajamas like the rest of us rather than in make-up.
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The Beach Is Not Your Dumping Ground; Let’s Keep It Clean

October 24, 2001 by

In just one day, we managed to pick up 25 large garbage bags worth of trash all along the shores below DP, plus a TV, an old computer, two decomposing mattresses, several plastic chairs and tiki torch...
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Isla Vista, the ‘Death Trap’ That Hides Pockets of Culture and Artistic Talent

October 24, 2001 by

I don't know how many times I've heard it said, but if there were a dollar for every time it has been said to me, then a millionaire I would be: "Isla Vista is a cultural black hole/death trap."
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No One Rallies Around the Flag Like A Moron

October 23, 2001 by

There's just something about trying times that brings out the worst in people. While most would resort to anger or fear, Americans have a distinctive talent for falling back on their ability to be inh...
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Reactionary Pacifists Need to Support the Fight for Justice

October 23, 2001 by

The only thing worse than a knee-jerk use of U.S. force is a knee-jerk reaction against the use of force to defend our country.
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Red Tape: Lies, Damned Lies and Outdated Statistics

October 22, 2001 by

After two and a half years at UCSB I am still unsettled by professors using obscenely outdated statistics to make points about gender inequality.
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I Know It’s Crap, Oh Such Crap, Because I Saw It on TV

October 22, 2001 by

I turned on CNN this morning. The talking head and an "analyst" loomed over a football field-sized map of Eurasia like a pair of colossi, the analyst pointing to areas of Afghanistan with a red-tipped...
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Living Without Vowels: A Blockbuster Idea for National Defense

October 19, 2001 by

When the government enlisted top writers, directors and video game designers to help increase national security, people started scratching their heads.
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