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All-American Greed Will Win

October 18, 2001 by Sean Corbin

I am not afraid of anthrax; I am afraid of driving, second-hand smoke, AIDS, prostate cancer, smallpox, pneumonia, police brutality, Alzheimer's, heart disease and people who consider L. Ron Hubbard a...
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The Rump Halo

October 18, 2001 by Staff

I don’t get this new female jean style. Massive fading strictly applied to the ass cheeks and thighs make it look like a lot of cowboys ride your saddle. It also looks like you’re going fo...
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Farrah’s Column Full of Distortions; The Dead Are Not Necessarily Martyrs

October 18, 2001 by Staff

In response to Jeff Farrah's ignorant though well-meaning column "U.S. Won Cold War to Free World, Not to Fear Terrorists" (Oct. 17), I would like to propose the following clarifications.
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With Liberty and Justice for Buttsylvania and Leggies

October 18, 2001 by Brendan Buhler

My fifth-grade class was a lot more competent than A.S. Legislative Council. We got the garbage out of the way early and quickly, so we could move onto the class' important business: eating paste and ...
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The Un-American USA Act

October 17, 2001 by Drew Atkins

There’s a very important piece of legislation going through Congress right now named the USA Act. It would be in your best interest to take the time to learn about it.
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What’s That Running Down Your Leg?

October 17, 2001 by Staff

Whenever I interview someone important like a presidential candidate or a celebrity, I don’t imagine them naked. I imagine them with diarrhea. Everyone gets the Runs, even cool people. When you ...
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I’m Paying You to Goof Off So I Can Goof Off

October 17, 2001 by David Downs

The six guys in orange vests trying to unclog a Del Playa storm drain today are perfect fractals of all bureaucracy. Five of them supervise. One of them works.
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U.S. Won Cold War to Free World, Not to Fear Terrorists

October 17, 2001 by Jeff Farrah

While imperfect, the United States' Cold War policies carried out, overall, a poetic execution of the Evil Empire by some of the most brilliant minds in the Land of the Free.
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Don’t Criticize Recent Anti-Terrorist Policies; They’re for Our Own Good

October 17, 2001 by Staff

One view that seems to be fairly popular among ignorant, uninformed pacifists is that there is no need for things like military action or such inconvenient heightened security measures (foreign studen...
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Congratulations On Making The New Bren Center A Completely Green Building

October 17, 2001 by Staff

Congratulations to UCSB and the Bren Center from a proud UCSB parent ("California's 'Greenest' Building To Open on Campus in January," Sept. 28, 2001).
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Beware the Foreign Menace?

October 15, 2001 by Staff

Asking students if they are terrorists will not help either. No one fills out a student visa application with, "I would like to study engineering at the California Polytechnic Institute and blow up th...
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