Opinion

September 26, 2001

Extended Jurisdiction Protects Victims of Sexual Assault

By Staff

Social problems as complex as rape cannot be solved solely through law or rules and regulations. They must be addressed in a variety of ways, including the law, education, and ultimately, the desire and will of the commu...

September 26, 2001

Give Me Credit; I’m a Bouncy Kind of Guy

By Curtis Brainard

I committed my first act of fraud when I was but a lad of 13. I fancied myself the biggest Billy Idol fan on the West Coast and signed an agreement with Columbia Records for 11 free CDs.

September 26, 2001

Weatherhuman and the Angry Inch

By Staff

People fucked up, so I have no space today.

September 25, 2001

Pot Smokers Beware: Help May Be on Its Way

By Staff

"A possible pot vaccine! Oh god, the horror, the humanity! Kids in twenty years could be inoculated at birth against T.B., polio, tetanus, marijuana, cocaine, speed and everything else."

September 25, 2001

I Have a Gut-Instinct for Dinner

By Eric Simons

I'd be holding a knife, distastefully looking at the fish, trying to put it out of its misery quickly by stabbing it in the brain.

September 25, 2001

Fluffy Bunnies and Things You Don’t See Enough of Here

By Staff

If you're not shouting out at the top of your lungs about what pisses you off or what makes you happy, then you're letting some anonymous coward speak for you by scribbling "profound" half-truths on the sidewalk in chalk...

September 25, 2001

UCSB Nooks, Crannies

By Staff

As students, we are constantly looking to ease the stress and monotony of our scholastic lives; sex on campus is the perfect solution. There's a special place on campus for every position and rhythm.

September 25, 2001

The Ironic Truth About the Exclusiveness of Recent American Unity

By Staff

I was disgusted by this e-mail because it forced me to realize that Muslims in America have been robbed of their basic human rights to practice their own beliefs.

September 25, 2001

Associated Snakes and Rikki-Tiki Redistricting

By Staff

I'm not a spiritual man, but some ancestral Catholic part of my brain tells me the heat is the slow simmer of purgatory. I sit roasting in those meetings and wonder if I've sinned or if I'm just a tourist, keeping an eye...

September 25, 2001

Rally Around the Flag in Storke Plaza Thursday; Celebrate Being American

By Staff

Never before have I seen such an outpouring of love for this country, and we all know that we need it now more than ever before.

September 24, 2001

Students Shouldn’t Let an Act of Terror Fuel the Fires of Hate

By Brandon Brod

I am worried about members of our community who come from Arabian or Moslem backgrounds. I have no doubt that the overwhelming majority of our community will carefully consider their words and would certainly never verba...

September 24, 2001

Pride and Disgrace in the War on Terrorism

By Ladan Moeenziai

When I hear things like "carpet bomb Afghanistan" or, as one articulate Louisiana senator asked, have all people wearing "diapers" on their head be checked out, I think that it is nothing but ignorance and inhumanity.

September 24, 2001

Battered and Bloody, Maybe, But Americans Are Not Beaten

By Henry Sarria

We've overcome adversity and tragedy on many occasions in the past and each time we've become stronger from the experience. This current tragedy will be no exception.

September 20, 2001

Injustice, We Trust

By Staff

On August 22, the UCSB administration announced that it had greatly expanded its authority to punish students' off-campus deeds under a policy called "extended jurisdiction."

September 20, 2001

Another Year of Minors Not in Possession of Brains

By Staff

The young girl sits dejectedly on the curb, possibly 17, but probably not. The cops decide to keep her fake I.D., and I laugh a little.

September 20, 2001

Weather

By Staff

The ex-weatherhuman told a lot of dick and fart jokes. Students loved it because they’re dick and fart people who’ve simply learned too many synonyms. They want sophisticated variations such as salmon-colored...