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Pardon Me, but What Wind Through Yonder Orifice Breaks?

April 2, 2003 by Beth Van Dyke

It is the female equivalent to limp dick. People refuse to discuss it. But being the disgustingly frank love kitten I am, I wanted the truth to be told. Can't hold my cunt trumpet down.
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The Peasent’s Voice: Small Problems Can Get Big if You Don’t Deal With Them Early

April 1, 2003 by Olaf Fjordson Viking Exchange Student

"What light through yonder closet breaks?" quoth I Sunday morning last, upon my re-arrival at the dormitoria after the break of the Spring Festival.
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The Peasent’s Voice: Damned if You Are, Damned if You Aren’t: Witches Found in Dorms

April 1, 2003 by Wynona Rooter Freshman

This may shock and awe all of you, but with the Good Lord's help I hope that you all might suspend your disbelief at this most wretched news I here reveal.
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The Spring Goddess Returns

April 1, 2003 by Corinth of Anthony apprentice apothecary

'Tis the wonderful time of Spring once again. Flowers bloom, the days lengthen and the maids doth begin the annual shedding of their winter layers.
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Ask Nostradamus! The Man with the Magick Mirror Has All the Answers

April 1, 2003 by Nostradamus Oracle

Dear Nostradamus, I am a lesbian and have come out to all my friends here at UCSB. Everyone seems pretty accepting, which has been great. I want to come out to my parents, but I'm afraid of how they w...
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Ponder

April 1, 2003 by

Living Without Vowels: Navy Seals and Dolphins

March 31, 2003 by Steven Ruszczycky

Down in San Diego, there's a water park like no other. It's not Sea World, a place where killer whales playfully spray children, walruses cavort on stage and kiddies of all ages can pet anything from ...
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Limited Resources

March 31, 2003 by

I have returned from Spring Break with pleasant (if hazy) memories and no money. My cupboards are empty, my classes are starting, rent is due and now it's time to make the all important decision:
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The Great White Whale Continues to Elude Bush

March 31, 2003 by Jason Haaheim

To escape the high-decibel pounding of the war drums, I recently picked up one of my favorite classics, only to find a wealth of perspective on our current international climate and the men driving it...
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Americans Are as Arrogant as the French

March 31, 2003 by Ladan Moeenziai

In its attempt to support its War Against Terrorism, the United States has fully launched its war against nonconformity, most notably against France - which has recently been sophomorically dubbed the...
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Students Feed Homeless; Dining Services Says, “No!”

March 31, 2003 by Ken Rogers Kurt Duggleby

In January, a group of students started a homeless service program that uses sack lunches as the main resource for serving the homeless. Recently Dining Services has responded to this act of altruism ...
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What Do You Mean When You Say, “Support the Troops?”

March 31, 2003 by Neil Wollman

I say, it all depends on what you mean. I want our troops out of harm's way. I support them in their right to choose the military. But I don't support them for what, at the president's orders, they ar...
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Think

March 31, 2003 by

Living Without Vowels: Pick Your Stereotype

March 7, 2003 by Steven Ruszczycky

Lovers of great literature stay away; there's a new book on the market geared toward the common people, the good people, the cut-your-lip-on-a-can-of-Natty-Ice people.
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