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Hugo Was the Best I Ever Had

The winds of change have blown hard all summer. The governor is soon to be replaced by a murderous-but-popular machine from the future, and Karl Malone is on the Lakers.
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Don’t Cry for Me, Manzanita

Shiny, spacious and still smelling like new, Manzanita Village is the Carnival cruise liner of UCSB's dorms. San Miguel, conversely, is like a canoe with a broken paddle floating in a sewage treatment...
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Children of Abraham Shouldn’t Stand for Crass Commercialism

ritten on their banner at their table was something I found totally disgusting. The banner said, "Just Jew it," and had the Nike Swoosh superimposed over the Star of David. So, does Nike sponsor G-d n...
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Finacial Aid or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Beaurocracy

Demanding money is getting harder and harder these days. Back when the bipolar stock market was in one of its manic swings, it was a different story. Nowadays, in our war-torn, misguided and generally...
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Have Fun in Isla Vista, But Just Please Don’t Be Little Jackasses

We fell in love with the surroundings and lifestyle, and have been fortunate enough to make a living in this little slice of paradise. We welcome you with open arms and wish you the best of luck with ...
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Planning Your Future

To call Isla Vista a dilapidated, overcrowded and overpriced slum would be, well, a bit of an understatement. The phrase "student ghetto" comes to mind. Apparently the technical term is "blighted."
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Summer Is for Lovers, Fall Is for Students

Loop up. Now. Because this is as pretty as UCSB will be all year. And I'm not talking about the flowers.
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The Sound and the Furious

Despite being in Greece for a good chunk of the summer, I've already begun to learn a lot about apartment living, or at least apartment living with three other girls.
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Surreal Summer: Sunny California Loses Its Grip on Reality

Never has the question "What the hell happened?" been so apt. It's like California suffered the Attack of the Thousand Subleasers. Now we're all left to vacuum up all the crazy remnants of this surrea...
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Potentially Damaging Initiative Demands Students’ Attention

With elections approaching, I wanted to take this opportunity to address some questions I have been receiving from students and other members of our campus community regarding Proposition 54, the Clas...
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Drugstore Cowboy: Governor Schwarzenegger

"Can you spell that one more time, Mr. Governor?"I can already see the veins in Arnie's massive neck bulging, prompting similar action in his forehead. "I already spelled it 10 times: S-C-H-W-A-R-Z-E-...
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Sinking to the Shallowest Depths

In these troubled times for starship earth, it is reassuring to think that our own UCSB is looking out for the future. While it could confine itself to mere education, it is working to solve the probl...
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Why My Potential Employer Would Want My Urine on Her Hands

I'm not supposed to be stressing during summertime. That's a rule. But now I've got something on my mind. I'm not happy about it. I decided I needed a little walking-around cash, so I immediately soug...
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Learning From an Uncomfortable Situation

I meant to write this as a formal apology and say that my ill-timed comment was taken out of context, and that I truly never meant to offend anyone or cause emotional grief.
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Censorship Doesn’t Accomplish a Fu@#ing Thing

The United States has always emphasized moral virtue, whether or not it acts in accordance with it. The government has traditionally been a fan of the "see no evil" strategy of vice - if we don't see ...
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