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Ejaculation Is for Girls Too

October 1, 2003 by

My best friend and I were having a heated debate over the validity of female ejaculation. Having never experienced a gusher before, I rejected his idea that they are real.
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Isla Vista: A Slum of a Most Memorable Character

October 1, 2003 by

When I say that I.V. is a microcosm of America's worst and best, I mean a lot of things. American lifestyle, history and attitudes manifest in these harsh Santa Barbara conditions at levels seen littl...
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War, Recall and Hell’s Hostile Takeover of Earth

October 1, 2003 by

Truth may be the first casualty of war, but just because it's dead doesn't mean you have to drag it down the street with its guts trailing behind it as double-jawed hyenas gnaw on the gristle.
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UCSB Fraternities and Sororities Decry I.V. Porn as Bad Business

October 1, 2003 by

As Panhellenic president, I would like to clarify the fact that the UCSB greek system does not in any way support the recent activities involving pornography that have taken place at certain parties i...
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Malicious Misinformation

September 30, 2003 by

The Palestinian-Israeli conflict is decades old, and it often seems as though there is no end in sight. Following the breakdown of the Quartet's "roadmap" peace plan and the resignation of Palestinian...
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Uncaged

September 30, 2003 by

More ugly birthday savagery, but this time one of the weatherfriends was the victim. Drunk, delirious the friend was having a good time-until being spotted by the Sasquatch.
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The Artful Dodger: Just Try to Ignore the Talking Pavement

September 30, 2003 by

"You know this isn't wrong." The pavement near the edge of the 6600 block of Pasado Road told me so. If I'm not mistaken, this mysterious message of reassurance became part of the Isla Vista landscape...
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A Subdivided Closet Case

September 29, 2003 by

I awake at 8 a.m. to get into the bacterial jungle that is my shower. As a train rumbles by and causes the foundation of my building to shake, I wonder if my shower is actually going to get me any cle...
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One More Day, Please

September 29, 2003 by

God, the first weekend of the school year goes fast. For two days we get a little taste of the freedom and carelessness we basked in all summer. We get wild, time gets blurry, then, boom, it's over.
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Everything a Student Could Ask for and More

September 29, 2003 by

As the guy referred to as the "longtime Isla Vista resident," I feel the need to write the obligatory "Welcome to I.V. piece for you, the incoming UCSB freshman class of 2003-04.
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Porn Is Not the Enemy

September 26, 2003 by

Slithering into Isla Vista in a grimy rut well-worn by the vices of alcohol, drugs, sexual harassment and objectification is that lusty, gonad-shaking demon called porn.
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Drugstore Cowboy: This Isn’t Comedy Central?

September 26, 2003 by

The circus surrounding the upcoming recall election on Oct. 7 has made California politics the best source of laughs since George W. coined the term "strategery." Wednesday night's debate did not disa...
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Don’t Blame Us When Your Kids See Your Breasts Online

September 26, 2003 by

We in the UCSB administration have no desire to monitor or regulate your private lives. We do, however, believe you should be warned about an exploitative new "business" practice that might impact you...
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Politicians Don’t Belong in Office; Schwarzenegger Does

September 26, 2003 by

For those of you who missed it, let me recap. Lt. Gov. Cruz Bustamante admitted that he and Gov. Gray Davis "spent too much" in the past few years, mounting to a $12-20 billion deficit.
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Racial Statistics Can Cause Discrimination as Well as Prevent It

September 26, 2003 by

Private companies (e.g. banks and insurance) are prohibited from collecting racial and ethnic data. Proposition 54 would extend that ban to the public sector, with certain exceptions.
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