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Talk More, Type Less

March 1, 2005 by Chris Trenchard

"Hey you!" I say to the man in front of me in line. "Hey buddy!" I offer, as politely as humanly possible, to the robot I trail patiently on the bike path. "Hey slut!" I finally proclaim to the guy si...
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Whiter Shade of Lame

March 1, 2005 by Staff

Today I saw a commercial advertising a revolutionary(!) teeth-whitening product that can make your teeth
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Tenured Professors Pollute Us With Liberalism

March 1, 2005 by Patrick Callahan

Tenure. Some define it as the securing of a permanent teaching position; whereas, I define it as the biggest load of feces in our education system - second only to the termination of mandatory naptime...
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Left-Lane Driver: Seize the Wal-Mart Empire

February 28, 2005 by Neil Visalvanich

In lieu of the Oscars, I decided it was time for me to move on from being a simple movie enthusiast to an actual moviemaker. That being the case, I did what all aspiring film writers do -- rehash old ...
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Weather for Dummies

February 28, 2005 by Staff

I discovered recently that the "... for Dummies" books are now available in VHS and DVD. Apparently, "Dummies" books are too smart for some people; they need the movie version instead.
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King of Pop Should Quit Clowning Around

February 28, 2005 by Henry Sarria

I hate drama and have no patience or desire for it. Just get to the point and move on. And so begins this circus of the Michael Jackson child molestation trial in Santa Maria. I pity the poor resident...
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Legendary Band Doesn’t Deserve Ignorant Smack-Talking

February 28, 2005 by Mike Skyba

In response to Dave Franzese's column "The Songs of Seduction" (Daily Nexus, Feb. 23), first off, sure, music can make or break the mood at times. But then again, a lot of times, especially if you're ...
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Don’t Promote Negative Body Image With Potentially Harmful Fat Talk

February 28, 2005 by Jenna Kruger

OK everyone, let's take a little journey down memory lane and venture back to our childhood years. Yeah, that's right; you remember. The days of watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, playing hot ...
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Stick to Printing Columns by Students From UCSB

February 28, 2005 by Tim Radsick

I read the article titled "The Death of Interaction" by Conor Boyland (Daily Nexus, Feb. 25). Great article! In fact -- and I write this in my best imitation of David Spade's "Spade in America" skit o...
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The Death of Interaction

February 25, 2005 by Conor Boyland

I hate the rapidly growing trend of communicating online rather than in person, but I find the temptation increasingly harder to resist. When it comes down to it, reading someone's profile is just so ...
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A Party Is Due

February 25, 2005 by Staff

On this day in history: Lieutenant Governor Hamilton engages to deliver up to Col. Clarke, Fort Sackville as it is at present with all the stores, ammunition, & provision &c. &c...
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Ignore Students’ Party’s Bogus Claims

February 25, 2005 by Torrin Brooks

I am writing again to warn everyone of the Students' Party and provide them an alternative -- Torrin Brooks for A.S. president.
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Save the Halfway House

February 24, 2005 by Bernardo Trujillo

There are over 2.1 million people in U.S. prisons today, which is 500,000 more prisoners than are in Chinese jails, even though they have four times our population. Sixty-eight percent of prisoners ar...
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Like Vintage Wine

February 24, 2005 by Staff

Today I was in a lecture given by some guy, and these 80-year-old ladies next to me thought the guy was named "Richard Hickey."
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He Said, She Said: Steady Wins the Race When it Comes to Getting Sloshed

February 24, 2005 by Sean Swaby

It's taken several years of beer bashes, steinhoists, keggers and AA meetings to fortify my iron liver. Occasionally, some beer-toting heavyweight will sit behind the counter of some liquor depository...
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