A recent survey by Virgin Mobile found that 95 percent of its cell phone customers dial under the influence (DUI). This is probably larger than the percentage of Americans who believe the world is round. Faced with such overwhelming statistics, the company now gives its customers the option of temporarily blacklisting certain phone numbers, so they’re unable to call their ex or boss or grandmother or whatever while sloshed.

Thursday’s forecast: Lecture interruptions drop 40 percent.