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Why Does It Happen?

September 26, 2005 by

The weatherhuman, despite some suspicions, is ultimately human. It is capable of triumphant glee, yet sorrow is also one of its fundamental faculties. The weatherhuman and its co-workers are terribly ...
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Construction Dodger Awaiting Completion

September 26, 2005 by

Anyone who has stepped on campus recently must have noticed the insane amount of construction in progress. Everywhere you turn, there's another gigantic hole in the ground, or the steel skeleton of s...
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Where Did the Violence Go?

September 23, 2005 by

I watched a lot of television when I was a kid. My favorite show was "G.I. Joe." This program taught me almost everything I know about life. It taught me that it's okay to run around firing machine gu...
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Take Two

September 23, 2005 by

Two issues in and already two corrections. The
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Student Influx Leaves Schnauzers Unsafe

September 23, 2005 by

This is the story of a man and his dog. Actually it is about one bitter senior and his small absent-minded schnauzer. What is on my mind is the recent and obnoxious influx of people back to this beaut...
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A Summary for Slackers

September 22, 2005 by

Because it
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Thursday or Bust

September 22, 2005 by

Did you know that today is the first day of autumn? It
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Learning Life Lessons at Freebirds

September 22, 2005 by

Staring red-eyed and perplexed into the gigantic black board, I realized of all the places in the world right now, this was where I wanted to be. It didn't matter that it was 2 a.m. or that I had just...
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Welcome Back to Your Nine-Month Vacation

September 22, 2005 by

Ah, back-to-school season. Before college, going to back to school was the worst time of year. It meant the end of warm, lazy days spent doing nothing at the beach.
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What a UCSB Degree Gets You

June 29, 2005 by

In my girlfriend's defense, I am rarely online. But I would like to expose what a degree from UCSB gets you these days. Her name is Dina Vainer, and yes, I promised her I would keep her identity ambig...
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Chuck of the Irish

June 29, 2005 by

Irishmen. They're everywhere, as you may now be aware. They're in our bars, our fat houses and our morning coffee. Clearly, the end of the world is upon us.
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Nothing Beats an Endless Slummer

June 29, 2005 by

For those of you reading this, chances are you are lucky enough to have made the correct decision to stay for the summer in our slum of a utopia -- or is it the other way around?
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Goodbye, Weatherfriends

June 2, 2005 by

Sellout! "Deep Throat" reveals his identity, and now here it is the end of the year, we have a new staff, I'm leaving, and perhaps you expect me to reveal mine too.
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Poop and Posies

June 2, 2005 by

Pathetic, flaky poop to the Faculty Legislature for its members' dismal attendance of the meeting to vote on the future of military recruiters on campus.
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Bedhead Diaries: A Glamorous Goodbye

June 2, 2005 by

It was while lying on a white, linen-covered aesthetician's table on State Street last Thursday when I realized that Santa Barbara was no longer the place for me. For the three years I had gone to sch...
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