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Suspension of Discharged Relief

January 12, 2006 by

The only thing I miss about high school is the suspensions. Remember how exciting it was when you or somebody you knew was suspended for the day and the whole school was ablaze in gossip.
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Gift Exchange Forges Societal Black Hole

January 12, 2006 by Colin Marshall

The bulk of you have spent the past few weeks vegetating at the parents' place, enjoying late December's reprieve from busywork and dead-end employment while wedging in a few holidays as well. Kwanzaa...
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Sexually Transmitted Fleas

January 11, 2006 by Nina Anthony

The holidays are neat, but there was one thing I noticed this season that I never took note of before. Screaming. Everywhere. Hundreds of children screaming and crying everywhere I went.
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I Can’t Get no Satis-Quack-tion

January 11, 2006 by

Some people come to the weatherhuman seeking life advice. My advice to them is seek another life.
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The Straw That Broke the Elephant’s Back

January 11, 2006 by Heather Buchheim

By most accounts, 2005 was a tough year. In the political realm, it was particularly inauspicious for Republican leadership. Here in California, voters flatly rejected Governor Arnold $50 million wast...
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Arrested Malevolent

January 10, 2006 by Jeff Gibson

All of us have committed the act at some point or another in our short and crooked lives. Whether you take a drag off of the blunt facts or you decide to pass the torch to the left, everyone reading t...
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Hi!Burnation

January 10, 2006 by

The weatherhuman forgot to welcome everybody back to winter quarter yesterday, simply stunning considering it is the 'human's favorite quarter.
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UCen Bookstore Undercuts Itself

January 10, 2006 by Bri Lafond

You know what really grinds my gears? The UCSB Bookstore. Admittedly, this particular admission is not a revelation. It seems that anyone with the barest semblance of a soul that has had any sort of d...
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Congress Misreads the Green

January 9, 2006 by Matt Cappiello

When reading the newspaper, it's hard to read between the lines. Articles are written from the "objective," story-specific perspective of the journalist, often without mention to their context or larg...
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Winter Brakes

January 9, 2006 by

Word has it that the weatherhuman's biggest rival, Al Roker, has proposed a sitcom to the network CBS entitled "Al in the Family." Tousche, Al Roker. Tousche.
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ProjectHERE Offers Relief in a Tote Bag

January 9, 2006 by Joshua To

It has only been a few months since Hurricane Katrina hit our nation, but the focus on the need for aid and support has diminished with each passing day. We mustn't forget the victims who once lived i...
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Ball-Handlers Wanted

January 1, 2006 by Nina Anthony

I have come to a conclusion: Balls must be the loneliest parts of the male reproductive system. Perhaps we could argue that it's the prostate, but I don't agree for one second. Balls are always there,...
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Ugly(ier) Duckling

January 1, 2006 by

The 'human never really realized that in the Nexus office there is a giant shark hanging from the ceiling, aiming its vicious rage at a duck hanging from the noose.
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Landlords Beware, Tenants Unite

January 1, 2006 by Kelly Burns

In our beloved Isla Vista, everyone has a story about their landlord. It is a part of I.V. culture to compete over who has the worst story - how long it took to get a repair, how much you are paying f...
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Protestors Inspire UCSB Undergrad

December 1, 2005 by Elizabeth Moore

If you're like me, you spent this past Thanksgiving Break trying to forget about school, pretending that finals aren't around the corner, and simply enjoying time with family and friends you don't see...
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