Opinion
Hey girl, you feelin' alright? You look like you could use a nice back massage. Here, allow me. You like that? Yeah, hehe, awesome. Um, I mean, so what seems to be the problem?
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Girls are manipulative bitches. We get what we want, where we want it, when we want it. Guys, just think about how many drinks you've bought that cute girl eyeing you across the room.
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"Oh yes, honey, missionary again, well okay, harder..." PTHHPPTH. Before you know it, you're lying in bed not-so-blissfully ignorant of the sex you could be having, but lacking the knowledge or sex to...
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The Weatherhuman is immensely confused by the black and gray front page. What happened to all the pretty colors?
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It has begun! As the tolling of the tower bells signals a new year, I want to be the 1,257th person to say, "Welcome back!" Since this is the first "Question Authority" article of the year, I should b...
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The great communicator that he is, our amazing Director of Athletics Dr. Gary Cunningham once again proved where his heart really is.
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Editor, Daily Nexus The Nexus missed out on a fantastic opportunity to inform returning and, particularly shamefully, new UCSB students about something important going on in their community. I’m...
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I am writing this letter in complaint about the Daily Nexus' lack of coverage of on-campus events.
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Digital Rights Management. For a lover of all things tech-related, this phrase strikes fear, uncertainty and doubt into my black little heart in a way that no other single piece of technology could; i...
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The two most dangerous and deplorable tendencies of the liberals are in full effect in the latest effort of the UC system to alter admissions: the liberal intelligentsia's contention that they know be...
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Ticketmaster is taking over the world and I will have none of it. What originated as a friendly and helpful ticketing service, catering to all Americans, has gradually become a monopolistic entity poi...
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People are nasty, conniving, manipulative creatures that are more than willing to torment one another for a minimal benefit. Although feats of kindness can occur, most are just terribly miscalculated ...
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Has it ever happened to you? You and your cousin Iran start drinking heavily and you two get in a fight and now, six years later, cousin Iran is putting together a nuclear program, but you two still a...
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Everything shower every day
Has an extensive tote bag collection but never brings one to Trader Joe’s
Reusing condoms
Collecting tears to water their plants
Asking to shower together to “save water”
Air conditioning and electric blanket running simultaneously
Has gone from Temu to SHEIN for bikini purchases
Fracking
On their 10th flight out of Santa Barbara Airport this month
Owns seven Stanley cups
Wrote their environmental ethics essay with ChatGPT
Vegan contributing to Big Almond
