News

Octopus Reaps Praise for Student Death

April 1, 2008 by

A Marine Science Institute octopus with a history of daring escapes pulled off its most impressive caper yet yesterday, trapping, murdering and consuming UCSB first-year Evan Miller.
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UCSB Invests in Massive, Planet-Killing Laser

April 1, 2008 by

Nearly two months after an antiwar protest resulted in the relocation of a conference on campus, UCSB's Institute for Collaborative Biotechnologies proposed a new addition to the university's Long Ran...
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Oil Exec Refuses to Accept Blame in Juice Incident

April 1, 2008 by

Adding to an ever-lengthening list of spills and alleged infractions, Greka Oil & Gas company president Andre Derramar spilled 15 ounces of grape juice onto his shirt yesterday - an act he claimed was...
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Dorm Profanity Colors I.V. Elementary

April 1, 2008 by

In a side effect unforeseen by UCSB administrators, the renaming of freshman dormitory Santa Catalina on El Colegio Road has bolstered the vocabularies of schoolchildren across the street at Isla Vist...
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Juicy Scandal Reaches Engineers

April 1, 2008 by

Johnny Nguyen, president of the Coalition of Engineering Students, does not want you to read this.
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I.V. Vomits MTV Reality on Viewers Everywhere

April 1, 2008 by

Hoping to capitalize off of the success of shows like "Laguna Beach" and "Newport Harbor," MTV has announced its newest program in its line of beach-town-themed reality series: "Isla Vista Beach."
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Owners’ Loving, Tender Touch Arouses iPhones

April 1, 2008 by

In an astonishing breakthrough, iPhones everywhere are becoming aware of their own existence and are asking to be touched.
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A.S. Borrows Funds From Future Self

April 1, 2008 by

Keeping the future in mind, the Associated Students Finance Board decided to fully fund all 37 campus groups present at its meeting last night by withdrawing funds from a budget it predicted it would ...
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LOLCATz… RawRRR

April 1, 2008 by

made u a cookie," Fluffy said. "But I eated it."
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Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto

April 1, 2008 by

This photo appeared as part of the Nexus’ April Fools’ edition.
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Court Increases Bail in Response to E-mail Threat

March 31, 2008 by

After reading the allegedly threatening e-mail sent to a campus professor last month, one local judge has increased the bail of a former UCSB student by $230,000.
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Frimpong Faces Six-Year Prison Sentence

March 31, 2008 by

Convicted rapist and former UCSB soccer player Eric Frimpong was sentenced to six years in a state penitentiary on March 10, drawing scores of Frimpong's supporters and local media to the hearing.
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Yudof to Take Over as UC President Following Five Years of Dynes’ Leadership

March 31, 2008 by

The University of California Board of Regents unanimously voted to appoint Mark G. Yudof as the next UC President on March 27.
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Campus Pathways Concern Disabled

March 31, 2008 by

A new UCSB study shows that only a third of disabled students find the on-campus walkways and bike path crossings safe, and over 70 percent believe that across-campus transportation is inadequate.
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Flashdance

March 31, 2008 by

The UCSB women’s basketball team gathers around the Big West Tournament trophy after the Gauchos defeated UC Davis 74-59 in the championship game on March 15 in Anaheim. After winning the progra...
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