Only the Envious Deem Others “Sluts”

May 12, 2010 by

I went to a wedding in Montecito this weekend, and despite my skepticism about happily ever after in your early 20s, I was touched by the couple’s devotion.
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Avoiding the Dangers of Sexual Dehydration

May 5, 2010 by

A couple of weeks ago, I woke up curled comfortably next to one of my best friends. He jolted up, looked at me, and then with a disappointed look on his face, muttered, “Shit, I thought I got laid f...
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Leftover Lovers Satisfy the Cunning Gourmet

April 28, 2010 by

Imagine coming home from a night on the town. You’re hungry, drunk and totally out of food.
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Do It Like Animals: Enjoy the Thrill of the Hunt

April 20, 2010 by

Double the ones, double the fun? This weekend was my co-22nd birthday party, and when six bodacious females throw a rager, guys are inevitably going to show up. Yet, despite the luxurious number of co...
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Wingmen and Wingwomen Ease the Turbulence

April 13, 2010 by

Do you remember the kindergarten friend who taught you how to get all the way across the monkey bars? Or the friend you had in middle school who stuck by you through the tumultuous headgear years? Wha...
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Let It All Hang Out in Spring Quarter Free for All

April 7, 2010 by

If you never got the memo, Spring Break is just epic preparation for its successor, an annual phenomenon that arrives just in the nick of time: Spring Quarter. For the past three years I've greeted th...
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Let It All Hang Out in Spring Quarter Free for All

April 6, 2010 by

If you never got the memo, Spring Break is just epic preparation for its successor, an annual phenomenon that arrives just in the nick of time: Spring Quarter. For the past three years I've greeted th...
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Unofficial Etiquette is of Utmost Importance

March 31, 2010 by

In an effort to improve our sewer-classiness to red-light-district-classiness, this week's topic will be a lesson in etiquette. Note: I am in no way insulting spliff-smoking at graduation, 9 a.m. hand...
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Fantastic Fantasies Finish the Quarter Right

March 3, 2010 by

Dark coils of hair decorate his chest, and his muscular arms grip my waist with a lusty firmness. He rips off my underwear and pushes me against the wall and... whoops! Sorry, guys. Didn't mean for yo...
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Don’t Let Whoopsies Ruin Whoopie

February 24, 2010 by

Did you know there are over 21,000 students enrolled at UCSB? That's 21,000 chances to meet someone you can converse with, flirt with and sleep with. The series of events along our condom-lined path t...
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Delight in Igniting Old Flames

February 17, 2010 by

Ah, Spring. It has arrived in full bloom, along with cloudless skies and girls in bikinis and UGGs working on their February tans. As the weather continues its persistent custom of cycling from warm t...
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Avoid Valentine’s Day Blues Isla Vista Style

February 10, 2010 by

Take cover, children. Cupid will be here in just four days, and he is covered in heart-shaped boils ejaculating chocolate-flavored pus. Based on my past several Valentine's Days, this diaper-clad ange...
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Mysterious Methods Make for a Pleasurable Read

January 27, 2010 by

I've been writing this column for about six weeks now, and word is finally getting around. People from the dorms who used to conveniently receive text messages when they passed me at the gym are sudde...
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Staying Soft Makes Wild Nights Hard to Come By

January 20, 2010 by

This article is dedicated to guys out there who have suffered from Limp Dick Syndrome: a condition that does NOT result in crazy hot sex and is caused by nervousness, malfunction or excessive alcohol ...
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Sext Messages Signal Next Generation of Booty Call

January 13, 2010 by

Hello. My name is Kera, and I'm a drunk dialer. It's been a rough seven weeks, two days and about 13 hours, but I'm finally cured. If it weren't for the support of my sponsor, Sext Message, I might be...
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