How I Know Who You’ll Vote for in 2012

Welcome back Gauchoans, and Happy New Year!  2012 is destined to be a doozy. Not only will it be the final year of our lives, but in November we will decide who the final president of the United Stat...
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Road (Construction A)head

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Save Yourself Grief: Know the Difference Between Habitable and Not

Just when you thought the creepy crawlies from Halloween were long gone, you’ve noticed that a whole new family of bugs and rodents has arrived. It seems like your rental is falling apart, practical...
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Even Expert Scoundrals Must Strategize to Maximize Booty

Sometimes getting laid isn’t the problem; the problem is answering the booty call. No, I’m not talking about the girls who fight with themselves about their morals at 2:30 in the morning: “I’m...
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U.S. Repeal of UNESCO Funding Misses Big Picture

Last week, Palestine officially joined UNESCO, the UN’s educational, scientific and cultural organization, as its newest member. The vote approving Palestine’s membership was overwhelming; 107 mem...
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‘No Unwanted Mail’ List Holds Potential to Eliminate Nuisance Mail

I am inundated with unwanted mail, including local publications. For example, The Montecito Messenger began sending me its newspaper, which I never requested. Not wanting to receive it at my home, I ...
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Fulbright Scholar Recounts U.S. Experiences

Upon coming to the United States on a Fulbright Teaching scholarship, I became familiar with the lively American spirit and culture. During my time as a teaching associate at the University of Califor...
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The Atheist in Love: Chapter Three

This week’s question: How would you handle raising children with a religious spouse? I have often contemplated my future life as a father. To have a son would be both awesome and fucking terrifying ...
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Caffeine: How To Kick the Habit, Or at Least Abuse Correctly

Maybe you’re intimately familiar with the groggy feeling of “waking up” in the morning, slowly and begrudgingly biking over to Cajé and mumbling something the cashier assumes means “large cof...
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BYOB: A Simple Solution to Our Plastic Bag Problem

Bring your own … bag? Santa Barbara has the potential to be the next county to ban single-use plastic bags to protect our oceans and to significantly reduce our plastic consumption. Approximately 12...
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The Outcome of Libya: Just One Less Dictator

When word came in that Muammar Gaddafi had been summarily executed by a shot to the head at point blank range, I imagine that President Obama must have been rather pleased with himself. After all, how...
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“One Cannot Simply Will a War to End”

“We often hear them say, with false resignation in their voices, that ‘war is hell,’ but it isn’t. Hell is an abstraction; war is tourniquets, amputations, paraplegics, orphans, widows, tortur...
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Annual Festival for Gold Diggers Commences Tonight

Isla Vista will hold its annual festival for gold diggers tonight and throughout the weekend. Sources confirm that thousands of scantily clad ladies will roam the streets of Isla Vista looking for men...
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Put Down the Numchucks: Let’s Not Get Arrested

Happy Almost Halloween! I can’t believe how fast this year has been going! It seems like the school year just started and it’s already Halloween weekend coming up. Before you know it, Thanksgiving...
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Know the Difference Between Ghoulish and Foolish This Halloween

Halloween is a spooky-fun time loved by young and old. There is something nostalgic about the goofy and creative costumes, the cool fall air, flickering jack-o-lanterns and so much candy your teeth hu...
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