Deltopia Revisited: What Can We Learn?

Red cups. Abs everywhere. Pulsing music. Nothing but sunny skies dotted with the occasional water balloon. This year’s Deltopia was no exception to the celebration’s repertoire. We all partook, Ne...
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Student Crossword Enthusiast Has 99 Problems and They’re All Down or Across

There are a concerned and heretofore voiceless set of students on campus whom on behalf of which I intend to write you. We are the students showing up early to lecture halls, the bus stop waiters, the...
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“Is It Just An Itch?” [and Other Questions Only a Medical Professional Should Answer]

Q: Sometimes my breasts simply hurt. Is there anything to worry about or is this normal? A: Don’t worry, but do come in for a breast exam to be sure what you’re feeling is normal. Hormonal changes...
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Pass the Torch Already: Confronting Today’s Generation Gap

The first result of a Google search for “millennial generation” is a Wikipedia article. The second result is a statistical analysis of Generation Y’s marital status and participation in the work...
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Girls Gone Wild: Opinion Ladies Bust Out of UCSB

As a senior on the precipice of graduation, I’ve done a lot of things I never imagined I would do. I completed the Great American Challenge and dated a frat star. I embraced the I.V. hippie-grunge a...
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Thrusting to the Finish: Seniors Knock Boots Before Riding Into the Sunset

It’s that time of the year again. June gloom slowly creeps up, with the calendar bitching at you to get your life together while your hands desperately shove tequila shots down your throat in an att...
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As Conservatives Try to Silence Young Voters, Students Fear A Growing Trend

If you pass through the Arbor on your way to or from class, you may have seen the signs: “Please Don’t Take My Vote, Mr. Pappas.” In 2008, Steve Pappas lost the election for County Supervisor to...
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Respect Your Elders: Keep the Legacy Alive (Beneath the Sheets and Beyond)

Alumni Weekend came as quickly as an undersexed 35-year-old with a full-time cubicle job as soon as he spots something fertile. Like a dark, ominous cloud — holding not refreshing showers, but a dis...
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Where to Turn When BROing and HOing Have Lost Their Appeal

Most unfortunately, in order to speak of this next topic, I will have to address something fetid and repulsive. I’m going to talk about an aspect of intercourse that is often lost, forgotten, feared...
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What Do You Think About the Annual Customary Celebration of Easter?

As if singing songs, holding hands, and swallowing millennia-year-old dogma in the name of Christ’s gift of salvation every Sunday weren’t enough, Easter — the made-up day of Jesus’s cloud-mou...
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Don’t Base Your Desires on the Gender Binary: Go For What Gets You Off

Nation. People. Literate UCSB students. I come before you today to offer a study that will revolutionize science. Its elegance, infallibility, and pure genius will force the Nobel committee to establi...
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The Six Degrees of Isla Vista: You Wish It Were Only A Theory

Have you ever been sitting around, shootin’ the shit with your friends, when all of a sudden you stop and realize you’ve all essentially hooked up with one another? All right, before you judge me,...
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Yes, UCSB, Your Government Is Listening To You

Most college students are pretty unhappy with Congress right about now and rightfully so. With huge cuts to education and high unemployment especially among recent college graduates, the Republican ma...
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The Reality of Mental Illness: University Edition

I’m diagnosed with a variety of psychiatric conditions: bipolar I disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, ADHD and a learning disability called dyscalculia. As a teenager I battled anorexia nervosa....
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Closure of Coal Oil Point Reserve Trails Unimaginative, Unfair

I’ve got bad news for those of you who like to jog or hike around the Coal Oil Point Reserve. You will discover that while you were all away for Christmas break, the university has blocked off, and ...
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