Elizabeth Brooks

April 18, 2012

I Never Tell a Lie, Except for Those Times When I Do

By Elizabeth Brooks

The average person tells seven lies a day. I’m not sure if I read that from a Snapple fact or if I just made that up. But anyway, I didn’t believe it at first, until I started listening to half the shit I say. And tu...

April 4, 2012

The Roommate Double-Double: Careful Where That Appetite Takes You

By Elizabeth Brooks

Logic is the devil of language. And you want to know why? Because it would make perfect sense for you to fall in love with your hookup’s roommate. Talk about a classic mix-up. Have you ever woken up after a night of (s...

February 15, 2012

She Said: “Looking like you don’t give a fuck that you’re not getting fucked is difficult.”

By Elizabeth Brooks

Valentine’s Day is over, and thank God for that. I’m not even talking about the relationship bullshit (well, not yet anyway). Now that the girls of I.V. are finally off the gluten/dairy/sugar-free crash diet, we can ...

February 8, 2012

“I’m Rooting for Peyton Manning”

By Elizabeth Brooks

Watching the Super Bowl for girls is like watching the WNBA … for anyone. We hate it, we really do. But we’d never tell you that. In fact, we spend our entire Super Bowl Sunday attempting to show you how much we like...

February 1, 2012

“I’m Not a Slut, I Swear” and Other Bedroom Mantras

By Elizabeth Brooks

“Shit Girls Say” started an epidemic. I just watched “Shit People Say About Shit People Say Videos” for a solid minute and 39 seconds; yeah, it’s gotten to that point. But you know what they don’t have? A “...

January 25, 2012

Booty Texting: How to Send the Right Message

By Elizabeth Brooks

We’ve all been guilty of booty calling. Or maybe not, but your day of shame will come, young grasshopper. “Hey, what are you doing,” “Where are you?” “Wanna hang?” all sound innocent … unless of course it...

January 18, 2012

Don’t Chase Shots, Chase Jerseys: How to Land Yourself One

By Elizabeth Brooks

So listen, syllabus week is over. It’s time to get your shit together. No, I’m not talking about getting your books, stop that. Do you know me at all? No, it’s Christmas season round 2: winter sports. See, the firs...

January 11, 2012

Home Is Where the Heart Is, Not to Mention the Hassle-Free Lay

By Elizabeth Brooks

So now that you’ve gotten through the holidays, and hopefully entered into the New Year with a bang (hey, you deserve it!), it’s back to reality. And for some of us, thankfully, the lives we would much rather live. S...

November 23, 2011

Exercise Logic: Work Hard Now for Easy Booty Later

By Elizabeth Brooks

I was in class last week reading a texting conversation over this guy’s shoulder (stop judging me) where he was trying to hang on to his fuck buddy here in I.V. while simultaneously texting his ex-girlfriend from high ...

November 15, 2011

Road (Construction A)head

By Opinion Editor, Elizabeth Brooks

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November 9, 2011

Even Expert Scoundrals Must Strategize to Maximize Booty

By Opinion Editor, Elizabeth Brooks

Sometimes getting laid isn’t the problem; the problem is answering the booty call. No, I’m not talking about the girls who fight with themselves about their morals at 2:30 in the morning: “I’m not just a piece of...

November 2, 2011

Out-of-Towners: Are They Really All That Bad?

By Elizabeth Brooks

Well now that you’ve all had the glory of saying you hooked up with a French maid, a firefighter or a slutty version of Kate Middleton, it’s time to snap out of that Halloween daze and get back to reality. Yes, the W...

October 26, 2011

There’s No ‘I’ In Team; And It Really Doesn’t Matter What Team You’re Playing for Anyway

By Elizabeth Brooks

There are a lot of good things about threesomes. You get to find out what your friends are really like in bed, you can actually live out the experience you already lied to your friends about having and, if you steal some...

October 19, 2011

Cosmo Tips: Tried and True, or Truly Terrifying?

By Elizabeth Brooks

In “Legally Blonde,” Elle Woods refers to Cosmo as “the Bible.” While Cosmo did give me step-by-step instructions on how to give my first blowie, I don’t think I’d quite put it up there next to the Lord. If C...

October 12, 2011

When Early Morning Stealth Fails, Awkwardness Prevails

By Elizabeth Brooks

If you haven’t had the sheer terror of waking up in a bed that’s not your own, with your first thought being, “I need to get the fuck out of here,” then you haven’t lived. No, I kid, I kid. Bravo. For those of ...